The Wine Aunt’s Problem (Why Older Women Can’t Find “Good Men”)

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From the desk of Harsh Strongman
Subj: What is a cool wine aunt and what is her problem


Meet the Wine Aunt

I was recently speaking to a woman who’s 37 years old.

She is a working professional with a great career and makes a lot of money.

She’s unmarried, single, and childless – largely because she was really busy with her career in her younger years and also because she thought she could always get married and have children later.

She asked me, “Harsh, when do you plan to marry?” (A normal question to ask in India.)

I said, “Soon”, and asked her, “What about you?”

I got the response I expected,

“I want to get married, but I can’t find anyone good enough.”

The Wine Aunt’s Life So Far

The wine aunt’s situation is an interesting one. It’s a problem of expectation and value.

On one hand, the wine aunt has dedicated her life to her career.

She spent her 20s working hard and now she has a great job (although sometimes a bit stressful), a respectable title (like senior manager, partner, director, etc.), and makes great money. She likes to travel and have some fun every once in a while.

She considers herself a successful high value woman, who deserves a high value partner.

On the other hand, she is old – way out of her best years as a female. Her looks and fertility are fading fast or have faded completely.

The Wine Aunt’s Problem

The wine aunt is just like all women: she’s hypergamous. This means that she wants a man that is better than her.

She considers herself to be of high value – she has an impressive job title, good pay, and she’s intelligent.

She wants a man around her age or older, makes as much or more money than her, is tall, adventurous, funny, etc. – standard woman stuff.

The heart wants what it wants, and this is how nature coded women – I get it.

The wine aunt’s problem is that despite her high perception of herself, men consider her low value.

Men – especially successful men – the only type the wine aunt will accept because of hypergamy – have options and typically value youth, beauty, femininity and fertility in women.

Women value things like status, success, and financial ability in men. Men do not particularly care about these things in women.

Men already bring money and masculinity to the table – they’re looking for someone who is feminine and can give them children.

For all practical purposes, most men would consider our wine aunt here a low value woman – despite her high income and job status – because she’s past her feminine prime, has lost or is losing her looks, and can’t have many or any children.

She’s doing well in aspects that men don’t place as much importance on, but she’s not doing well in aspects that men really care about.

The wine aunt’s problem is that she only wants a highly successful man because she herself is financially successful, but no successful man wants her because she’s old and less fertile.

Successful men want younger women who are fertile and pretty.

She has missed the party, but is delusional enough to think that the party starts when she arrives – and won’t eat the leftovers.

The wine helps her feel better, and the travel helps her fill the void.

(For women, here’s an analogous dilemma to help you understand where men are coming from: Would you rather marry a hot guy who’s only 4 feet tall, or 6.5 feet guy who’s got an ugly face – assuming everything else is equal?)

The Wine Aunt’s Problem (Venn Diagram)

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