Society lies to women, and tells them to focus on their career, and tells women they can always figure out family and children later in life.
You see the idea of being a single childless traveling woman being glorified on the internet, and some young women end up believing them.
In this article, I want to give you (my female readers) more perspective, so that you can make more informed choices in your life.
Note: What you are going to read now are direct quotes from women on Quora who were asked what it’s like to be 30 and unmarried. (Bold, color, and other emphasis added by me)
Woman 1: 33 years old, tall, fair, beautiful, highly educated, and earns a handsome salary. Feels lonely, can’t find a husband.
If I’m to answer this in one word my answer would be “Tough”… It’s really tough
I’m a 33 year old woman. I’m tall, fair and beautiful (I really am). I’m highly educated and earning a handsome salary. I can cook and can do all household chores. Medically I’m 100% fit but the only disease I have is that I am ‘OVERAGE’ and not yet married.
Why am I calling it Tough? Reasons are as following :-
1) All your relatives and neighbors keep on telling you the benefits of getting married and how important it is to get married in life.
2) Your friends and colleagues keep on telling you the stories of their kids and all you can do is listen to them as you don’t have any stories of your own.
3) Shopping is a big headache when your mother tells you not to buy many clothes as it will go waste because when you’ll get married you have to buy all new clothes
4) The awkward moment when a 3 year old calls you Didi (elder sister) and your brain start thinking… Had I been married at the right age my own kid would have been elder than this kid.
5) Family functions are all about food, food and more food
6) At this age finding new friends is really difficult as all your old close friends are married and they don’t have time for you.
7) Worst thing is.. People being judgemental, as I get to hear from almost everyone that at this age you should not be choosy just find a decent guy and get married (really??? Is this thing written on my face that I’m being choosy??)
8) Biggest Problem – Earlier when a guy used to look at me I used to blush.. Now when a guy looks at me the only thing comes into my mind is ‘He must be 5-6 years younger than me’ – _-
9) Your younger cousins are married and have kids.
10) Formula No. 000 – Fasting on XYZ days will solve your problem and you’ll definitely find a groom. (Inner Me :- Really Aunty?? But the problem is I can live without husband but I can’t live without Food – _- )
11) Most important point – When I was a child, education was the most important thing. When I grew up having a career turned into the most important thing and now as I’ve been told many times getting married and have kids should be my only target as my expiry date is close ( Why can’t they decide at once?? Confused People)
I don’t know whether these things are common for all or not. But these are the issues which I am facing and I’ve no idea how and when I’m going to be free from all this.
LMM’s comments: I feel pity for this woman. She is a victim of society’s lies.
As she admits, once she got done with her education, her most important priority became her career – and then time to find a husband and have children ran out
Now she is single and towards the end of her most fertile years. She will suffer the consequences for the rest of her life.
Let’s hear from woman number two.
Woman 2: “Lonelier than ever”
I would get proposals right from my early 20’s, but my parents wanted me to finish studying so that if ever the going got tough, I wouldn’t be dependent. I finished my Post graduation and started working. As the years passed the number of proposals were dwindling. Apparently even nearly 40 year olds wanted young girls.
By the time I was 27, all my friends my age were married, including the boys. I’d already started feeling lonely. I still had friends, but it wasn’t the same. They come with spouses, I was always the tag along. Then some had children and our meetings changed. From going out late nights, we’d go to parks or places where children would have fun.
All this made me feel lonelier than ever. I would seek out singles at work or otherwise and get friendlier to them…
LMM’s comments: The fact that even older men want young women seems to surprise this woman.
Alright ladies, listen up. I’m going to tell you a truth that maybe no one else will tell you: All men want young women. All of them. Even 80-year-olds.
Now whether or not they might be able to get them is a different story, but most men want women around the ages of 18-25.
This is how it is. Just like you have your choices, so do men.
A lot of women make the mistake of assuming that just because they find men around their own age attractive, men must find women of similar age attractive.
This couldn’t be further from the truth. Nature has hard-wired men to want young women.
You may not like it, but that doesn’t make it any less true.
Let’s hear it from woman number three, who learns this rude lesson.
Woman 3: Wants a family and child, but can’t find a man who earns more than her
My brother lives in the same city and I often visit him.. The minute my nephew see him coming from office he just jump at him and bother him with questions till he falls asleep … the minute he jumped at him all his tension seems disappear no matter how tensed he looks… I also love my nephew he is like the most important person to me and I love to spoil him and my happy moment is when I see him and not my abroad trips… But I know when he will grow up he will not be this close to me because how many of us are actually close to our aunt and uncle when we grow up.
When I come back from office no one waits for me or jump at me.. bother me with questions like why I am late and ask me to help with school assignment .. I also wanted to feel the same thing which my brother feels…he doesn’t even have quora account he hardly use Instagram because he is always busy with him.. so when I enter into the house I sometimes say yay my life is so awesome that no one is here to question me why I got late in the office today.
It just sucks even if we are free for 2 hours in a day and in that 2 hours if we don’t have anyone close and no matter how hard we try to fool ourselves. I also wanted to have a family.. but the men who earns equal to me, they always go for younger package and I am not comfortable with man who earns less than me some differences is ok but not like the man is earning half of what I earn… because I have worked very hard to get into the position in which I am right now.
If I want to have casual affair then there are men available in plenty but they just wants to have sex and boost their ego of having a mistress in their life.. but finding a man who is compatible is just a dream for me.
LMM’s comment: This is exactly what I mentioned when I was talking about wine aunts.
The wine aunt’s problem is that she only wants a highly successful man because she herself is financially successful, but no successful man wants her because she’s old and less fertile.
This is not a pleasant situation to be in, and unfortunately, it’s extremely unlikely that she will make it out of the hole that she has dug herself into.
Society and feminists lied to her and told her not to pursue a family when she was young, and look what position they have put her in.
Would her life not have been better had she focused on getting married and having children first, and then looked into building her career?
If she focused on family first and then started her career at 30, she would have still had 30 years to build a great career. Now she’s just a woman with a career.
Which begs the question: Is it better to have a family and not have a career, or better to have a career and not have a family?
Let’s hear it from woman number four.
Woman 4: “I want to hurt myself. And I do sometimes”
It is depressing for me and I have lost all of my self confidence. I’m one of those confident working women earning a huge pay in an IT firm and supporting my family financially. And I’m very thankful for work from home currently as nobody can see my true broken self other than my family.
I liked some guys from my work place or college but they were not interested in me and thinking back I’m glad coz they weren’t good choices. A couple of nice guys liked me and approached but I was not attracted to them and I deeply regret that.
My parents put up a matrimonial profile for me at 25 but I had rejected good proposals in the past without realizing it because I didn’t understand arranged marriage setup in India and didn’t know what I wanted in my partner since I have 0 experience dating and never had any boyfriend. My parents trusted me when I declined profiles thinking I knew better. But I regret declining some of them. It’s only after 28, my family went deep with each alliance and realized how incompatible profiles are in matrimony sites. And I became 30.
When I keep thinking of all my bad choices, I want to hurt myself. And I do sometimes. My stomach hurts. I cry like I’m going crazy. I feel suffocated with regret. I feel like tearing photos of my younger self who was confident and thought she knew everything. I could have had a happy married life. Now I am a reject material and I deserve this.
I know what kind of a partner I want now. I keep praying that someday soon I meet a kind, understanding and caring partner. I hope God will be merciful.
I want to become my old self who likes to go out with my family and friends, smile, laugh, listen to songs, watch movies and sleep peacefully.
LMM’s Comments: This woman’s story makes me feel very sad. She seems depressed and has lost hope.
This has been one of the most uncomfortable articles I’ve published.
Since you are an LMM reader (a female LMM reader too – most women can’t handle LMM content), this is what I am trying to save you from.
I am giving you the bare truth of life, not the rosy picture feminists and lying journalists give you.
You’re a woman. Your biggest asset in securing a great guy is your youth and fertility. Please do not waste them. You can always have a successful career later.
Please prioritize yourself, instead of trying to impress your feminist friends.
You do not want to be in this woman’s shoes. I wish this woman the best – my heart goes out to her.
Let’s hear from woman number five.
Woman 5: 34 years old, cries 5 days a month
Here’s my limited truth.
- We wear diamond rings on our fingers – which we have paid for ourselves. We are independent financially – finally – and it feels great to earn our money and splurge and save or splurge – on what we think fit.
- We cry for 4–5 days very desperately every month (before, during and right after our period) because the ‘revenge of the uterus’ still makes us want babies and someone to hug us in the middle of the night.
- Group treks become an awesome new fixture in our lives every weekend.
- We typically have loving, healthy relationships with guys who are – a) either 3–5 years younger to us or – b) 3–5 years elder to us – the rest are the ones who judge us the most. Especially if they are our age. They mostly want to settle down with girls half their age because their parents thought it was a good choice.
LMM’s comments: This woman has a great career (which is going well enough to buy her diamond rings), but she has no husband or children.
She is clearly unhappy with her life, as she admits that she spends four to five days of every month crying!
She spends 15% of her life crying! (Take an average of 4.5 days divided by 30 days in a month)
She seems to be filling the void with random relationships and trekking, and also notices that the guys her age want much younger women (“half their age”).
Her comment that men her age want younger women because “their parents thought it was a good choice” and not because men like young women is a delicate touch of sour grapes.
“These men do not want me therefore there must be something wrong with them.”
What is daily life like for the unmarried woman in her 30s? Let’s hear it from woman number six.
Woman 6: All of her friends are married, and she has no one to hang out with
- All your friends get married and settled. So there’s no one available for movies or picnics.
- Your married friends bring up the topic of their husband (even if hes a good for nothing fellow) unnecessarily just for purpose of showing off that they are better than you as they’re married.
- Your colleagues assume that since you do not have any domestic responsiblites you must stay late for work and work the weekends. Your single status is a convenience to dump their work to you.
- Getting a house on rent is out of question. No one wants to give house on rent to single woman even though she is financially well off and would never miss the rent payment. Its always families only even if there’s a chance of missed rent payments.
- Nosy neighbors create problems as you are vulnerable. You have to keep them at a distance for your safety.
- Every crappy douche tries to hit on you thinking that you’re fed up of being single and its a great opportunity.
- Cooking for one is a real headache.
- People think that since you don’t have a family your money should be freely available to them. According to these scumbags single people need not worry about money.
- Going to the doctor is a huge task. Thebes no one to help you.
- You get labelled as too picky, crazy etc for not being married.
- Relatives bring less than desirable alliances. The generic reason is since the girl is above 30 she should pick whatever comes to her. Its like you have to compromise on your lifestyle even if you don’t want to.If you refuse to lower your standards there’s gonna be drama and yelling.
- Running into your old highschool crush or old friends is the absolute worst.
- You wonder what business is it of others to interfere with your personal life.
LMM’s Comments: This is the life of an unmarried woman in India (and probably everywhere else too).
All of her friends are married and busy with their life, and no one is available to hang out with her.
She seems surprised that life in her 30s is not like the life in her 20s. She also laments that the only marriage offers she gets are from men who are “less than desirable”.
This is the cost of fucking up your 20s, especially as a woman. She will never get any younger.
Looks like she will just have to live her life like this, or marry someone she considers “less than desirable” – another victim of feminism and bad life choices.
Let’s hear our final story of the day. Woman number seven, who realizes that she went wrong, and has some advice for the ladies.
Woman 7: “I have screwed my life completely”
Why do people get married? Why do people want someone? Life can be lead alone easily. There are so many things one can do to pass his/ her time. Why do people take tension? Why one wants to handle responsibilities? Society got nothing figured out.
These were my thoughts, and I was so proud of them. The key word here is was. I thought I have life figured out. I want to be independent, don’t need anyone, wanted to roam the world, and do everything I like. However, all that starts to fade away as you grow older.
At the age of 34, I don’t have anybody in my life. When I was 23, my dad passed away, and my mom became my life. She was my best friend. She also passed away four years later. This was the first time I really felt so alone.
Life is not meant to be lead alone. We take many things for granted. We feel people will always be there for us, forever. However, it never works this way. Having passion, career goals, focus and all is fine. However, you need someone. You don’t need someone who will support you financially because that is the easy part. You need someone who will pick you up when you are down. You need someone who will be your buddy.
Divorced men, men who cheat, men who only want sex, are available in plenty. They will give you attention if you go out looking for them. However, this all will be an illusion you are creating for yourself. The moment they find someone better or get bored of you, they will leave you.
I have screwed my life completely. I met wrong guys in my life and generalized everybody. I lied to myself throughout my life.
Pour Conclure and Some Final Words
We just heard 7 different women’s stories from their own mouths about what it is like to be an unmarried woman in your 30s.
Now, I will admit – I am a little biased.
I did come across a few posts where the woman claimed to be happy even though she was unmarried. I don’t know if that was her being honest or just her lying to make herself feel better, but I opted to only pick the posts where the woman was not happy with her choice (which was the bulk of the posts anyway). I admit my biases.
Of course, just because a woman is unmarried, old, and childless does not necessarily mean that she’s unhappy. Unhappiness and being unmarried/childless are not perfectly correlated.
And of course, if I looked for stories of women who are married, have children, and are unhappy and wish they had stayed single – I would have found them too. Of course, in that case – those stories would have been exceptions, not the norm, like they are in this case.
The purpose of this post was to give you an alternative look at things. The one that the cool wine aunts don’t tell their young nieces about when they tell them stories of their foreign trips and expensive wines.
I wanted to give you a look at the side of the story that society opts not to show you when they tell you that women and men are the same and that you should focus on your career and that you can figure out marriage and children later – a side of the story that is very common (in fact, it is the norm) – so that you can make better choices in your life and so that you are more informed.
Now, I will not take the liberty of telling you what to do (at least, not in this article) – it’s your life and you are free to live it how you want. You have your own choices to make and you own consequences to bear.
All I wanted to do with this post was to tell you that maybe, just maybe, things don’t normally work out how they do in television sitcoms.
I hope I have given you something to think about.
– Harsh Strongman