Someone I know just found out his girlfriend is pregnant. She wants to keep the baby and he is now a soon to be daddy he didn’t want to be.
This guy has a nice job that pays well. His story is “I don’t know how it happened. She was on birth control. But I suppose nothing is 100% effective”.
From the grapevine I learned that the girlfriend had planned this for a while. She had been “forgetting” to take her birth control because she wanted to get pregnant. I don’t know why but I have my guesses.
This story is not that uncommon.
Why a Woman “Forgets” Her Birth Control Pill
Ever since I got married, I’ve learned that it’s not that easy to get pregnant. It takes months of trying for most couples to get pregnant. Humans are not that fertile.
If you look at the stats, accidental pregnancies were far less common before the birth control pill wasn’t a thing and people had to use condoms.
In other words, true accidental pregnancies are rare. In most “accidental” pregnancy cases, it was no real accident but a planned move on the woman’s part.
A woman can “forget” her pill for all sorts of reasons:
- She really wants to have a baby and be a mom
- She wants to entrap you into a guilty marriage
- She wants to get 18 years of child support money
- You’re famous or rich and she wants a nice payout
- She thinks you’re going to break up with her and getting pregnant is a way to make you stay
- etc.
It’s not rare and happens all the time. If a woman really wants something, she will try her best to make it happen.
The end result is that you are the victim.
If she gets pregnant, YOU pay.
Obviously laws differ by country so I’ll just quote from Wikipedia:
Forced fatherhood (namely a woman becoming pregnant against a man’s will or without his consent) is not illegal anywhere. Cases are usually reported in connection with disputes over child support.
When the obligation to provide child support is challenged by men who allege that their sperm had been stolen or otherwise used to inseminate a woman without their consent, courts will typically enforce the doctrine of strict liability: namely, that a man is liable to support a child conceived with his sperm, irrespective of the circumstances of conception, including any criminal conduct on the part of the mother.
Here are some situations where courts have ruled that the man has to pay child support:
- A hospital nurse performed oral sex on a patient provided he wore a condom. She kept the condom and used it to impregnate herself. (STATE v. FRISARD III)
- Woman lies to man about taking birth control but deliberately stops taking birth control pills. The court ruled that charges of fraud were irrelevant and the only consideration was the “best interests of the child”. (Frank Serpico case)
- “S.F.” was a man who passed out intoxicated at a party in the home of a woman (“T.M.”), who raped him while he was unconscious. S.F. had no knowledge of this until he woke up the following morning with his lower clothes removed. T.M. became pregnant as a result of the rape and S.F. was ordered to pay child support. The court ruled that “the child is an innocent party… any wrongful conduct on the part of the mother should not alter the father’s duty to provide support for the child.” (SF vs TM)
- The woman admitted to stealing sperm from a condom, taking it to a fertility clinic, and using it for in-vitro fertilization to get pregnant.
- etc.
There are lots of cases in many countries and the court rulings pretty much go something like this: “The mother did what she did. The child is innocent. The man has to pay money.”
In other words, it does not matter how she got pregnant. If she gets pregnant, YOU are liable to pay.
She can intentionally “forget” to take birth control, or take sperm out of a disposed condom and impregnate herself (called spermjacking), or literally get you drunk and rape you – and you would still be liable to pay her child support.
What You Can Do to Avoid Being a Forced Father
Obviously, forced fatherhood is NOT fair. It makes no sense that men have to pay child support for a child they were forced or conned into being a father to. The pregnancy was 100% the mother’s decision, so any reasonable person would say the child is 100% the mother’s responsibility.
But you can’t go around complaining about the law because you can’t change it.
So what can you do to prevent being an unprepared, unconsenting, and forced dad?
1) Always be in control of the birth.
“Always be in control of the birth” is one of the “Iron Rules of Tomassi“. Basically, it means you must always be in control of the contraception you choose to use.
Never trust a woman to take her birth control pills. Unless she’s taking them right in front of you, assume that she’s skipping them. Women “forget” their birth control pills for months at a time when they decide to.
Wear a condom. No, the few seconds of pleasure you get by “cumming inside” is not worth the risk of making a girl pregnant when you don’t want to and/or aren’t ready to be a father. A condom is by far the most effective way to prevent pregnancy (other than abstinence but that’s throwing the baby out with the bathwater).
Bring your own condoms. Never use condoms supplied by the girl. Poking holes in a condom through the wrapper is a very easy and trivial thing to do with a simple needle.
Look, according to the courts, YOU are accountable for any pregnancy that happens. Act like it. Make sure YOU are in control of what happens to the sperm.
You don’t want to trust a woman to use contraception unless you are OK with running the risk of being forced into fatherhood.
2) Dispose off the sperm properly.
You want to bring your own condoms and use them, and you also want to make sure that the sperm is disposed off properly.
Women can and will take the sperm out of a used condom and try to impregnate themselves if they choose to.
Here are your options:
- Flush the condom down the toilet (Note: This is hard to do and can damage plumbing.)
- Be like Drake and fill up the condom with hot sauce
- Add bleach or hand sanitizer to the condom before you throw it in the trash (kills the sperm)
Spermjacking is more common if you are some kind of celebrity or known rich person. It’s unlikely to happen to most guys out there but it takes two minutes to dispose off the sperm for good so you might as well do it.
That’s all for today brothers.
It’s beautiful to be a father but only when you want to be one, and never when you are forced into being one. Keep yourself safe and don’t be the dude who falls into the “I’m on the pill” trap.
Until next time.
Your man,
Harsh Strongman
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