How to Talk to Women on Dates PART 1: Building Basic Comfort

From the desk of Harsh Strongman
Location: A cafe in the middle of a lake

Some guys naturally “get women” and have extremely good results with dating even when they have nothing else going on in their life (these types are usually excellent at in-person sales).

They never have to read articles like this or need anyone’s help with dating. But they are exceptions.

Most men simply do not know how to vibe with a chick (I was here too).

If that is you, don’t be disheartened because 1) everyone has different talents and 2) quite frankly, not being great with women is not that big of a deal because it’s something you can easily pick up with some practice.

Note that the previous sentence is only true if you’re willing to put in the work to improve your game/skills at dating (reading this piece will help but you also need to go on dates and APPLY it).

Most guys are too egotistical and think they are experts with women even when they have no results to show for it. Guys will sleep with less than 10 women and act as if they are qualified to give advice to others.

Social media is filled with laughable dorks who are constantly complaining about women being whores while also simultaneously being unable to get laid much.

If you ask them “if they’re all whores, why aren’t you sleeping with a new girl every 2 weeks” you will get silence… as expected.

If you want to improve your game, read this series and apply it (you need to be going on dates and putting it all into practice).

Men care about logic. Women care about emotions.

Man’s way of communication is different from woman’s way of communication.

Male communication = logical and overt. We say things out loud and care more about what was said than how it was said.

Female communication = emotional and implicit. Women imply things, use pretenses, care more about emotions and not hurting feelings than correctness.

How something is said and what it implies is more important to women than the actual logical meaning of the words she is saying.

Not understanding this is the reason why men crash and burn on dates.

They talk to women as if she was a man. They try to IMPRESS her instead of HAVING FUN with her. They are OVERT instead of IMPLICIT.

They talk about things and logic instead of STIMULATING HER EMOTIONS AND SEXUALITY.

The Goal of a Date

The goal of dates is to have fun and eventually fuck the girl without giving her any commitment. That simple.

It is not to teach the girl anything. It’s not to understand her political opinions. You are not meeting her to marry her or to make her your good friend.

You are there because you want to fuck her and she is there because she wants to get fucked. You know it and she knows it.

You may not fuck her on the first date but on the second or third date, but the point of dating as a man is to get laid and fuck girls.

She WANTS you to be charming and be the guy who sweeps her off her feet. Deep down she wishes you to be the man who she falls for immediately and sleeps with and makes her feel great.

She will never say it out loud because again… women imply things unlike men who use overt communication. The fact that she’s going on a date means that she wants romance to “just happen” (in simple terms, they want to be seduced and they hope you’re able to do it well because they’re in it for the experience).

All pretenses aside, a woman who does not want to get fucked by you is not going to go out with you for 3 dates unless 1) she sees you as her emotional tampon where she gets to talk out all her life’s problems and then go home feeling better about the problems or 2) she’s using you for money/gifts/free dinner.

In summary, if you’re not fucking the girls at the end of the dates, you are doing something wrong.

Either she’s just using you as an emotional tampon or free money, or you are somehow talking her out of sleeping with you.

What Not to Do

1) Avoid talking about technical topics.

If you’re talking about things like DNA or Bitcoin on dates… god help your soul brother. Stop doing this immediately.

Technical topics are boring and best discussed with men (or women in non-romantic contexts). You want the woman to have fun around you.

You want her to be emotionally and sexually excited on dates with you. Technical topics and anything that requires complex thought are the exact opposite of that.

2) Avoid controversial topics you can disagree on.

The feeling you want to transfer to the woman is “OMG we are so much alike. I can’t believe I never found a man like you before. You are so exciting and fun. I can’t wait to sleep with you to show you that I’m the right girl for you.”

You don’t want to talk to women about topics like politics, abortion, capitalism, etc. simply because it’s likely to turn you into an adversary.

The media has manipulated women into thinking that anyone who disagrees with highly leftist viewpoints is the epitome of evil, so you want to avoid topics that might trigger that until after you’ve fucked her a few times.

Of course nothing in this series is “universal” and you can break all the rules as you get more experience with women. For example, I’m usually quite sexist and I’ll often tell women “I’m the king of sexism”.

“Sexism is bad”

“I know you like bad” [smirk because you’re sexualizing the conversation]

“I don’t like sexism” [she will pick on the sexual reference and smile a bit]

“Be honest, I can see you smile. You like it really bad.” [smirk harder]

“I don’t like sexism” [she is smiling a lot because you’re heavily implying sex and the fact that you can imply it shows that you “get women” i.e. you are high value]

“Your lips lie but your eyes tell the truth” [basically you acting mysterious and saying something exotic]

“What do my eyes tell?” [women are obsessed with their eyes. Note that the topic has completely changed from sexism]

But you can only pull it off once you’ve practiced being charming and fun (AND you’ve already built some comfort with the girl), not before. For most of you, just avoid politics and pretend to believe that men and women are equal.

What to Actually Talk About With Girls

Many financially ambitious but sexually inexperienced guys will ask what they can even talk about with young women on dates.

“All they are interested in are things like sitcoms, movies, celebrities, etc. and I don’t care for those topics whatsoever.”

These guys don’t get that dates are not about “talking about things” but more about getting girls sexually excited and emotionally interested in you so that things “naturally” lead to sex.

She does not want to feel like a slut but at the same time she wants to sleep with you.

Seduction means leading her to be able to explore her desires with you without feeling like she did something she will be judged for.

She wants to be able to tell her friend “I genuinely liked him. Things just happened.” [good/natural/positive] and not “I sleep with random guys on the first date” [bad/whore-ish/negative].

Remember it’s the same act. Just different emotions associated with it.

Building Basic Comfort

1) Open with a compliment.

Always be a bit late to the date and open with a compliment. I always defaulted to “I like your dress” if she was wearing a dress. Lots of options here and you want to start off the interaction on a positive note.

Opening with a compliment shows that you are a well bred person who knows how to interact with others i.e. she can start feeling safe around you instead of being cagey.

2) Talk about the location and her interests.

Make some simple small talk at first about her day, the location, the food, the traffic, the temperature, etc.

Let’s say you’re at a pizza place. Just ask her questions like:

“Do you like those authentic thin Italian pizzas or the thick ones?”

“What do you like more? Garlic bread or pizza?”

In short, you want to talk about banal stuff like this at first and get her talking to you. Try to get her to keep talking as long as you can.

Ask follow up questions like “What is your favorite type of food”

Remember the goal of the first 20-30 minutes of a date is just to get her talking to you and let her know that you are a normal person and not someone who is going to rape and murder her in a dark alley.

BUILD BASIC COMFORT BEFORE YOU EVEN BEGIN TO ESCALATE.

This is really easy and I’m only including it in the article for the sake of completeness.

Her: “I like pizza more than garlic bread”

You: “When I was a kid, I used to love pizza but now I like garlic bread more. I don’t know why but it feels so good after a hard day, like, feeding the soul, you know”

Her: “What type of garlic bread to you like?”

You: “I like Pizza hut style cheese garlic breads. Did you go to Pizza hut as a kid? They have all been shutting down lately”

And then you have her talking and telling you about her childhood.

This piece will be continued in Part 2.