Should you pay for dates?

Should you pay for dates?

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From the desk of Harsh Strongman
Subj: Should you pay for dates?


If you have a lot of money and can afford it, just pay for everything because you’re just trying to get laid and you don’t want money to get in the way. Be careful to not seem “eager” to pay because that lowers your value/status in the eyes of the woman.

This article is for you if you don’t have a lot of money (most people) but still want to date.

You take a girl out on a regular date on Saturday – nothing fancy, say $75 in spend.

You take another girl out on Sunday – another $75.

You pay because you’re a “real man” and you’ve been told “real men always pay for everything”.

But as you keep going on more and more dates – it actually starts to become expensive.

If you go on 2 dates a week consistently, it adds up.

Most men who act like “I would never let a girl pay” aren’t really going on that many dates. If you’re going out with 2 girls a month, you can just pay for everything and it doesn’t hurt the bank.

If you are getting a lot of dates, and it’s VERY easy to go on 2-3 dates a week with all these apps making it ridiculously easy to get dates – you can easily spend $1000 or more per month on dates alone.

If you have a nice rotation going, it can get very expensive.

I made a Bumble account and got 70+ matches in 24 hours of which 50+ sent me a response in 2 days. It’s super easy to get dates with these apps so you can easily blow the budget if you aren’t careful.

So what do you do?

If you are very young (23 years old or below)

In this age group, you’re going to be going out with girls who are themselves very young and don’t expect you to have lots of money to spend.

You can go dutch (50-50) all the time or take girls out to McDonald’s – it doesn’t really matter. Girls are easy and don’t have many expectations from men that young.

If you are 24 or above

You can no longer take out girls to McDonalds and hope to get anywhere with them. Expectations are higher and that’s a simple fact.

First Date

For the very first date with a girl, take her out somewhere cheap and pay for it in full.

Most girls look very unfavorably upon men who don’t pay for the first date (you are unlikely to get a second date) so you need to pay for it.

Just see that the woman offers to pay – a woman who does not offer to pay is not a good woman to have. It means she feels entitled to good times – run away.

Keep the first date something cheap and quick (like coffee/drinks) and not the typical expensive restaurant date because:

  1. Don’t spend much money on a girl you haven’t even fucked yet.
  2. Girls will look down on you for being quick to pay for her. It lowers your status in her mind as she thinks she must be above you or equal to your level because you’re treating her like royalty.
  3. If you seem like a sucker who is eager to pay for her time/company, she will try to maximize this by asking for more expensive dates before anything sexual takes place. Your eagerness to pay costs you more and you might not even get laid after spending hundreds of dollars on 3-4 dates.

Expensive dates are fine for a girl you’re already sleeping with but if not – keep it cheap and simple.

Second Date

From the second date onwards, let her pay for a few small things here or there. For example, if you get dinner and then go for dessert, she’ll probably offer to pay for the cab or the dessert – let her pay for it.

She asks to pay and you let her. You don’t ask her to pay because that makes you look like a cheap broke miser which is a huge turn off and kills the mood.

When she asks to pay, let her (for the small things like cab fare/dessert – not for the meal).

If she doesn’t ask to pay, then you pay. Don’t make a big deal about it and go on as normal.

The point isn’t about saving $5 on dessert – it’s about setting the tone. She shouldn’t think that you’re supposed to pay for everything all the time.

You pay for the meal because it displays that you have money to pay for things (which is something very important to women on a DNA level – they evolved to select men who can provide for her and her children).

You let her pay for dessert/cab/something small because you do not want to create the “I am a man and I pay for everything” dynamic. Continue the date as normal and you’ll be fine.

You want to set good expectations and being a walking talking ATM is a bad start. It’s not good for your wallet and it’s not good for the frame – you don’t want to be her beta provider.

Third date and beyond

By this time the woman has gotten to know and like you (if she doesn’t like you, date three wouldn’t have happened) and things have probably progressed sexually.

Remember the golden rule of women: Before you have sex with a woman you want to fuck, she has the power. After you have sex with her, you have the power.

You don’t need to worry too much about what she thinks of you after you sleep with her because she’s sexually invested in you (you have much more leeway now) – so just focus on having fun and doing what you want.

Let her pay the bill every once in a while and don’t make a big deal about it. Keep it a 2-1 ratio (you pay twice, she pays once) and it’s good enough.

Will I lose girls if I let them pay?

Only if you are a boring loser who she was out with because she was looking for “reliable boyfriend material”.

Back when I was totally broke and had no money, I’d let girls pay for everything. I mean everything from the cab to the meal to the dessert. All parties were aware that the relationship was just for fun and didn’t have a future.

Unless you’re a dumbass dating women who are in their late 20s and beyond and trying to get married NOW, girls are just looking for fun.

Be exciting, fit, and fun to be around and you’ll have no problem with women whatsoever.

Act like it’s completely normal for her to pay and don’t make a big deal about it and you should be fine.

Sidenote: If you’re an older guy on a date with a girl who’s very young (say a 19 year old girl), you need to pay for everything because if you don’t – you can’t go anywhere fun because a 19 year old girl doesn’t have any money to pay for anything.

Hope this helps.

Your man,

Harsh Strongman

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