From the desk of Harsh Strongman
Subj: How to Be Interesting (and how to make life more fun!)
This article is focused on improving your overall vibe and personality.
If you are considered a “boring” person or you feel that you are boring, you should take 3 months to 1 year off (depending on the severity) to fix that.
Here are some things that can help you become (and seem) a more interesting guy:
1. Create a Juxtaposition
Juxtaposition is something that is presented together but conveys the opposite message.
In other words, they are parts of your personality that do not fit together into general “personality templates” that people have in their heads.
For example, if you are someone who is studious and nerdy, people expect you to be physically weak: fat or thin and frail. Now if you are visibly muscular and shredded, people will find that extremely interesting. It violates the “norm” and makes them question their assumptions.
It signals that you have a full personality, that you’re not just someone who gets pushed around by life like everyone else.
If you are someone who is ‘supposed’ to not be very smart (you work in non-intellectual professions like being a bartender or an electrician), people will be very interested in you if you seem intelligent and have an extensive vocabulary.
Likewise, serious professionals such as lawyers and accountants who are in a band, or computer engineers with some serious muscle and conversational skills break the stereotype and get people interested.
You need to honestly assess your current public perception and get into things that would be considered “unusual” or “wild” for someone with your image.
2. Stop speaking so damn much
People like talking about themselves. They love it when someone listens. They don’t really care about what you have to say.
So … let them speak. You’ll seem more interesting if you have more information about them than they do about you.
Hold Back the Details
Don’t give away too much information about yourself immediately.
Remember, being interesting is about giving off an element of “mystery”, so the less information you give away, the more mysterious you appear.
Note that this only works if people feel that you have things going on for you. People need to think that you have things going on that you’re not elaborating into because you don’t think they are “special” i.e., those things are just a regular part of your life.
You can do this either by dropping subtle hints in conversations without expanding upon them or by your general appearance (for example, clothing accessories, visible muscles, tattoos, etc.)
Postpone the “Me Too” Conversation
Let’s say that you play tennis. Someone you meet also happens to mention that they like to play tennis. You get excited, and you go “I like tennis too!”.
There’s nothing wrong with that, but you’ll seem much more interesting if you hold off on mentioning it then and there, and instead, mention that you play tennis at a later date in a different conversation.
Don’t ask me how it works. Try it. It works.
3. Learn the basics of a variety of topics, and be able to hold conversations on each of them
Try to read at least one book per month. If you aren’t reading anything at the moment, check out my book recommendations and order one immediately.
You want to be “well read,” i.e., you should know enough about everything that you can hold a conversation with an “expert” on that topic.
Your knowledge should form a ‘T’ shaped structure, where you know something about everything, and but have in-depth knowledge of a few fields (your career/business).
Remember, in valuable circles, there is no substitute for good conversation and knowledge.
You don’t have to be an expert, but you shouldn’t be completely ignorant either. You should be able to be a conversational partner on a lot of topics, even the ones outside of your daily life.
For example, you should be able to speak for 10 – 20 minutes on Bitcoin, whether you think it’s a scam or not!
As a bonus, if you have a large amount of knowledge, your mind has more material to relate to and spot patterns in, giving you access to opportunities that others do not see.
Also, learn to be a better storyteller. Storytelling is the holy grail of capturing attention, be it of children or of adults.
4. Have things going on in your life
Interesting people always have things going on in their lives.
The absolute best way to seem interesting is to actually be interesting.
You should always have something going on in your life.
Be it a business you’re working on, or something you’re learning, anything – having absolutely nothing going on is a dead giveaway that you’re a low-value person.
If your life looks like this: wake up, go to work, come home and watch TV, and repeat every day – you seem boring because you actually are boring.
5. Get some hobbies and widen your taste in entertainment
Play a sport, learn to dance, lift some weights, draw some pictures, write some articles – get some hobbies.
Not only will it help you bring some flavor to life, but it’ll also help you build a network, and if you’re good at it, you can turn a hobby into a side-business.
Broaden your taste in entertainment.
Absolutely do not be that guy whose idea of a fun time is sitting at home and watching TV while eating pizza.
Examples of broadening your entertainment interests:
– If you are someone who typically watches a lot of movies, how about going for some plays instead of movies?
– If you enjoy playing tons of video games, how about getting into adventure sports and martial arts?
– If you’re always hanging out, how about sitting at home and reading a book?
– If you are someone who reads a lot, how about starting your own website and writing your own articles? (meta)
I don’t mean take a year off to go backpacking to “find yourself”, I mean every few months, take a short trip to a place you’ve never been to before.
Try to keep the trip affordable (never borrow money to travel) and short (don’t waste time). Never travel at the detriment of your existing projects, do it only if you have the extra bandwidth.
Spend some time on things that will make a good story. People enjoy listening to good stories.
Traveling gives you perspective and experience, which is invaluable.
Your mind cannot conceive things it has never seen, and if your mind can’t conceive it, you can’t achieve it.
7. Know about local places, do cool things, try interesting stuff (be a fun person)
You need to go out 2x a week. Anything less than that and you’ll start to see a decline in your social skills primarily because of lack of use. (Social skills, just like all other skills, are use it or lose it.)
Develop some knowledge of quality restaurants, coffee shops, clubs, and other “fun” places around where you live. Take people to places they wouldn’t have visited had it not been for you.
Try interesting things and activities that you come across – a new cuisine, singing a karaoke song, power-boating, etc.
There’s no point living a boring life, especially when you are already doing well financially.
8. Don’t present yourself as overly serious and nerdy
While it’s good to be serious and deliberate about how you live, try to avoid giving off that image in a social setting.
This is typically something nerdy people do (I used to too): talking in a monotonous overtone and triggering the “serious guy” vibe (colossal turn off in “fun” circles).
Remember, when you go to clubs, parties, and even dinners, the average person there is there to have fun. They don’t care about productivity or efficiency or achievement. They only care about fun (hence the excessive drinking and loud music despite the risk of brain and hearing damage).
So when you’re in such locations and situations, act like a “chill” laid-back person.
Being overly serious impedes you from getting into fun circles that are typically full of attractive women.
9. Work on your personality
Improve your overall personality and learn to interact with people. Work on your self-confidence and self-esteem if you feel that those are low.
If you’re an introvert, don’t sit at home. Initiate plans and make the first move.
Basically, you need to find weaknesses in your personality and fix them. Never be proud of being “socially awkward”. Work on improving your social skills.
Do not be too egotistical to work on your weaknesses. If they’re there, they’re there, whether you like to believe they exist or not (or worse, you convince yourself that those weaknesses are a good thing! – ego). Someone, at some point, will find a way to use your personality weaknesses against you, and your false sense of confidence will come crashing down upon you.
Don’t let this be you. The first step to solving a problem is accepting that there is one.
10. Have a purpose that you’re passionate about
Do you know what really makes men interesting? Passion.
Passion about creating or building something: a business empire, a work of art, – a purpose to be.
Most people have no purpose in life. They are born, made to go to school for 15-20 years, then they work a job for 40 years, then they retire and feel bored and die.
It’s a life devoid of a real mission to change the world.
Even if their life is fun, it’s ultimately a meaningless existence, especially for people who decide to not have a family/children (which is slowly becoming a more and more common choice).
A mission is what gives you meaning and fulfillment.
You’ll know this is true if you’ve ever seen someone who is extremely passionate about something talk about it. It’s almost like they’re bleeding their words and you can see their insides.
Hope this helps.
Suggested Reading: How to be Good Looking as a Man
New readers: If you’re interested in getting in control of where your life is heading and improving your mindset, discipline, and self-control, you should check out Live Intentionally: Discipline, Mindset, Direction – A 90 Day Self-Project.