This is a question I receive a LOT:
I met a woman who was in a relationship for 5+ years and then had a break up. She hasn’t dated anyone in the last few years. Should I date her/marry her?
Ok, so despite what many will think – this is not a bad question.
If you are an older person (say 35+), women like this might actually be your only option, especially in western countries where most women are sexually active from a very young age.
While it’s best to marry a woman without a past (virgin), for the sake of this article, let’s assume that’s not an option.
Be Careful of the “Hoe Phase”
When it comes to a woman who dated someone for a long time, then broke up and claims not to have dated anyone in the last few years, what you need to be sure of is whether she’s telling the whole truth.
A lot of the time, women who have a break up after a long relationship tend to become absolute sluts who sleep with lots of men to feel better about themselves.
In the female mind, her being a slut and sleeping with other men “hurts” her former partner.
A LOT of women do it but then later say they didn’t “date” anyone because “technically” they didn’t. Or say it “doesn’t count” for whatever delusional reason.
That’s the first thing you need to somehow confirm. Women will lie through their teeth about these things so be careful.
If you’re interested in knowing why this happens, my friend Arman has a nice article on why women have a hoe phase after a breakup.
If she had a hoe phase, you have to reject her. She’s not right for you. Leave.
Practical Considerations
Assuming she’s not had a hoe phase at any time in her life, a woman who had a long relationship and then broke up is practically a divorcee.
This is especially true if they had lived together in the past.
She might not have been legally married, but for all intents and purposes, she was married and then had a divorce.
Courts and papers were not involved, but a relationship that lasts 5+ years and cohabitation are no less than a marriage.
THAT SAID, a woman like this is FAR superior to women who have been hoe-ing around with many men over time.
A divorcee with one long relationship and nothing after is a much better choice than a whore who’s slept with half a dozen or more men in the same time-frame.
Ideally you want a clean slate (virgin) but if that’s not an option and this is the best you can do, then so be it.
But remember that you are still marrying a divorcee (You’re reading LMM and I don’t mince words – this isn’t a blog for pussies) and that comes with all the typical baggage divorcees have:
- General distrust of men
- The break up trauma and emotional damage
- Being “pre-owned” by another man physically and spiritually
- Being aged (typically these women are older and thus less fertile)
It’s something she will always have for the rest of her life and you will always have to be conscious of it.
Beggars aren’t choosers so pick the one with the least baggage and go ahead.
Once again, this article is for older men without a lot of options. If you are a young man, I see no reason why you should marry a woman who’s been another man’s property before.
Hope that makes it clear for everyone.
– Harsh Strongman
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