This is a guest post from Chase Amante, the founder of GirlsChase.com. Chase knows what he’s talking about when it comes to women, so I invited him to post on LMM and share some of his lessons.
Girls chase men over a lot more than just ‘looks, money, or status’. How tight a man’s fundamentals are plus his archetype are just 2 of 5 key ‘makes her chase’ factors.
What’s it take to get a girl chasing you – ideally, chasing you hard?
Hard enough that she pops up wherever you go…
Hard enough that she texts you relentlessly trying to meet up…
Hard enough that no matter how beautiful she is, you’re almost a little bit nervous that she’s going to get a bit TOO attached if and when you do something with her?
It’s been something of a specialty of mine since middle school: this art of getting even the hottest girls sucked up in desperate pursuit of you.
My name’s Chase Amante, and I run the highest traffic men’s dating advice website online, GirlsChase.com. Over the last almost two decades we’ve hosted north of 64 million visitors and served over 14,000 customers.
If there’s one thing I’ve seen time and again after hosting so many readers and working with so many clients it’s that a lot of guys have it surprisingly wrong with girls – or at least with what it takes to get girls hot on your trail trying to get you for themselves and lock you down (or at least enjoy you for a night!).
Let’s clear away the cruft and give you the stuff that ACTUALLY works:
Five factors that drive up the ‘demand’ for you so high women can’t help but chase.
Factor #1: Dialed-In Attractiveness
There’s a lot men can do to sharpen their appearances.
Our first factor is your overall attractiveness.
This is the first thing guys think of when they think about girls chasing you. This is the ‘obvious’ one. However: it is a lot less ‘obvious’ than it at first appears.
Ask the average man what kind of attractiveness makes women pursue a man. He’ll tell you things like:
- A handsome face
- A square jaw
- High facial symmetry
- Six pack abdominal muscles
- A height over six feet
All these features make a man more attractive, sure. They help out a LOT in particular on dating apps (the single most visual-oriented dating medium known to man!). But I have known a lot of tall, good-looking, yet very lonely men. I’ve had a number of CLIENTS like this.
And nobody talks about the girls most likely to chase such men: the guys who mostly just have their natural good looks going for them mostly just have ‘5s’ and ‘6s’ chasing after them (i.e., Plain Janes and mid girls), looking to ‘trade up’ in the looks hierarchy. You need a lot more than LOOKS to get a HOT girl chasing you!
In my teachings, I divide the categories of male attractiveness into four groups I call the attractiveness fundamentals:
- Body fundamentals, which include face, height, and physique – but also include posture, movement, facial and bodily expressiveness, eye contact, and other nonverbal signals. These latter items are surprisingly overlooked by men, but play an enormous role in male attractiveness… and even more in sexiness. A man can be very good-looking but completely unsexy; conversely, ugly men can be ‘sexy ugly’ – it all has to do with how dialed in their various ‘non-obvious’ body fundamentals are.
- Vocal fundamentals, which is how a man’s voice sounds and the way he uses it. Few people focus on voice when they consider attraction, despite the fact that it accounts for almost 40% of interpersonal attraction! The depth, timber, formants, range, expressiveness, articulation, projection, and purr of your voice all affect attraction in big ways, and to a large extent these elements are trainable.
- Fashion fundamentals, which include how you dress and how you shape your hair and facial hair. A man can look like a completely different person in a boring office haircut versus a trendy, sexy hairstyle. Clean-shaven or a standard ‘long beard’ have nothing on a sexy, well-maintained stubble. And clothes are their own entire specialization. The men with the sexiest fashion spend years learning the ins and outs of putting together outfits that not only work together, but complement the aesthetics of the man who’s wearing them, and draw attention to him in attractive (not garish) ways. The right outfit, however, absolutely slays.
- Social fundamentals, which include a man’s general social abilities, how adroit he is with people, his leadership abilities, his position within social hierarchies, his charm, humor, wit, and visible social power. When people talk about women liking ‘high status men’, they are talking about a man’s social fundamentals – but there’s a lot more that goes into this than fame or job title. Anywhere you go, you will find groups of people, some of them with one or two guys who are obviously extremely socially powerful, and thus sought-after by girls; the rest of the guys varying levels of ‘invisible’ to women there. That’s the difference between dialed-in social fundamentals vs. mediocre ones.
Far more goes into attraction than the clichéd ‘looks, money, and status’.
The tighter your fundamentals, across all four categories, the more dialed-in your attractiveness will be. Top-tier fundamentals trigger chasing in top-tier women all on their own. Lower-tier but still solid fundamentals will get some girls to chase, though typically not the top-tier ones.
But attractiveness is just one piece of the pie. You don’t need to be the sexiest man in the world to get women to chase you. You just need to have your fundamentals tight enough that they don’t get in your way; beyond that, we’ve got four more elements that factor greatly into female pursuit.
Factor #2: A Stand-Out Archetype
What pops into your mind when you see any of these actors?
Antonio Banderas?
Sexy Latin lover.
Hugh Jackman?
Rough-and-tumble loner.
Sean Connery?
Charming rogue.
Distinctive men with distinctive archetypes.
Each man has a distinct archetype that makes him instantly stand out in your mind. You know right away who he is and what to expect from him.
And for women drawn to his archetype, he immediately triggers chasing.
Your average guy walking down the street, chatting up women, swiping on dating apps, going to bars has no stand-out archetype. Or rather, he has an archetype, but it’s the same archetype as every other guy: “ordinary man working a 9-to-5 looking for a date.” Not sexy.
Girls do not chase ‘average men’.
The may date average men. In fact, most women date average men – because most men are average!
Nevertheless, while they will date such men, they certainly won’t chase them.
Chasing is reserved for stand out men.
Girls chase guys who have attractive archetypes they feel desire for.
What goes into your archetype?
- Your clothes
- Your conversation topics
- The WAY you interact with her
- The way you frame yourself
For example, when I was working a 9-to-5 office job, I tried framing myself as “successful professional guy” at first, telling girls about my employment at a prestigious consulting firm. Girls would act impressed… and then never text me back.
Eventually I realized EVERY guy in my town was a “successful professional guy.”
I was in Washington, D.C. Every guy going out to the bars there was a lawyer, an accountant, a politician, or a consultant like me. It was the norm. And it was boring.
I was doing a lot of writing at the time, so one day while talking to girls, when the question of, “What do you do?” came up, I decided to say I was a writer. The girls just ate it up. It was “so cool” to them; they immediately acted more attracted. A writer! They couldn’t believe it!
Since then I’ve always been ‘a writer’ or (when I was taking acting classes and attending auditions / having minor parts in independent films) ‘an actor’. Women love these artistic things.
Once I started running my own business I tried telling girls I was ‘an entrepreneur’ or ‘a business owner’ but once again none were impressed and it made me more boring. So I went back to being a writer.
I do, after all, write a lot.
The sexiest archetypes in my experience tend to be any/all of these:
- Artist (writer, painter, sculptor, actor, director, singer, musician, etc.)
- Rebel (drug dealer, political dissident, ex-criminal, soldier of fortune)
- Guru (surf instructor, ski instructor, dance instructor, sex expert)
- Celebrity (even if she doesn’t know you; even if just a ‘local celebrity’)
Even into old age, Pablo Picasso – a painter chased by girls long before he became famous – indulged himself with attractive women.
What if your job or persona doesn’t perfectly fit one of these? Find one that’s close to you and build your masculine identity around it:
- If you teach dance twice a week you’re “a dance instructor” (even if what pays the bills is your boring job managing a department store)
- If you like to paint as a hobby you’re “a painter” (even if your day job is just installing drywall)
- If you’re a doctor who’s spoken at conferences (even if just once or twice), you’re a “doctor influencer who speaks at medical conferences”
Find an identity that makes you STAND OUT, orient your appearance around it, include it in how you present yourself to women, and you’ll be surprised at how girls start to chase (I have had the friends of women I was dating meet me and say “Oh you’re the actor she’s dating” or “You’re the writer, right?” That’s how much your sexy archetype stands out to her – it’s what she leads with when telling her girlfriends about you!).
Factor #3: Mixed Signals & Absence
Almost a decade ago, as interest in the dating advice space went through a dip, multiple people said to me, “Well, maybe it’s just that everything in this space has already filtered out into the public consciousness and people don’t need to learn about it anymore.”
Today, I just open up social media, watch some of these SUPER CRINGE videos of men approaching women with no game, no flirtation, no push-pull, just straight up boring old generic compliments and telling them “I like you” then asking them for their numbers, and go, “No. Absolutely nothing from our space made it into the public consciousness. Our secrets are safe!”
Here’s the deal: if you approach a woman and
- Slather her with compliments (especially LOOKS-BASED compliments)
- Tell her that you like her
- Do little or no ‘screening’ whatsoever
- Ask her for her phone number and say you want to hang out after she has done basically nothing at all to earn that
… the message she will receive from all that is, “Wow, this guy is chasing me HARD.”
And when one person chases, the other runs away.
She certainly will not chase you herself when you’re chasing this hard! (or chasing at all, really)
This is a dynamic you must, must, MUST fix if you want girls chasing you, ever: you have to build some intrigue, create a mystique about yourself, and let her WONDER if you’re really into her… or NOT!
Some of the easiest ways to start doing this:
- Do not compliment her on her looks. Compliments on her fashion, style, energy, hair, walk, etc. are all okay. But do not SLATHER her with compliments. Compliments are a reward.
- Use push-pull. Show some interest in her, then seem to take it away. “You’re really cool, you know that? Too bad it would never work out between us.” That’s a very basic example, but it illustrates what we’re getting at: showing interest, then casting doubt on whether you actually are interested or not.
- Screen her. Men who have options screen women. It’s not just “Wow you’re beautiful, want to go out?” Instead it’s, “What do you do? Oh why do you do that? Do you cook? What do you do that’s creative? Are you spontaneous?” Not all at once; it’s not an ‘interview’. But sprinkled through the conversation, you must SCREEN!
- Be the first to leave. End the conversation before she’s ready to. End the date before she’s ready for it to end. Be the first to pull away from the kiss. When you’re feeling her up, move your hand away before she can move it. Always aim to be the one to end things – it communicates you’re less attached to the courtship than she is!
- Be absent. Don’t hang around her all the time. Don’t be desperate to meet her. Have things going on. Have other people (women) to meet. Be busy. The busier you are, the more tempted women will be to start chasing to try to get you to meet – assuming the other chase factors are in place!
Do not conceal your interest altogether. You must show interest in her for her to not give up on you! BUT (and here are the rules):
- You should always be slightly less interested in her than she is in you
- The interest you show should come as a REWARD when she does something good for you or shows interest in you herself
Mind those rules and women won’t be able to help themselves but chase – because if they like you, but you aren’t chasing, and are busy or absent, they’ll have no choice!
Factor #4: Female Competition
I mean, they shouldn’t actually be fighting – but you do want them to be competing for you.
Women want what other women want.
They are ‘herd creatures’. If a girl sees that other girls want a guy – especially if those girls are attractive – then she is going to want that guy too.
This is a big part of why celebrity is so effective. “Oh, that guy’s famous – that means other girls want him – so now I want him too!” The logic is surprisingly straightforward.
More times than I can count I have picked up a girl thanks to the help of this ‘preselection’ by other girls. I’ll be at a bar, talking to a really hot girl, she’ll be laughing and flirting with me, but then she’ll have to leave. Too bad, I’ll think – but then I turn and there’s another hot girl right next to me, staring at me like a piece of meat, firing her “Talk to me!” signals on all cylinders. The moment I start talking to her, she’s chasing: asking me questions, cozying right up to me, working her little butt off to make the seduction happen.
When women see other women desiring you, it makes them desire you too.
It raises the URGENCY of them getting you – after all, if they don’t move quick to lock you down, that other hussy might snap you up!
It clears away DOUBT too. Women always wonder… is this guy legit? Is he just faking his attractiveness? Is he really a LOSER no other women want? Why is this guy single? But when they see other women clearly acting interested in you, all that doubt falls away; you become a ‘sure thing’.
And ‘sure things’, in women’s world, are a precious commodity.
So will you be, if she sees other women acting flirtatious and amorous with you – especially attractive women.
And precious commodities, which are urgent, are ones that need locking down ASAP.
The only logical response to such a man is to chase him… which is exactly what a great many girls, sensing competition from other women for you, will do.
Factor #5: Investment, Investment, INVESTMENT!
You want women to do for you – not the reverse.
Finally, the factor to beat all factors, and perhaps the most counterintuitive there is to ordinary men, is investment. What attracts women – what gets them to chase you – is not your level of investment in them. It is their level of investment in you!
How many times have you seen men
- Wining and dining women
- Buying women flowers and gifts
- Driving an hour or more to meet a girl
- Feverishly responding ASAP to her every text
- Making themselves TOTALLY available to her, any time
- Helping her out with anything she might need help with
?
I bet you’ve seen it a lot.
I bet you may have even fallen prey to some of this yourself.
It’s okay; it’s happened to the best of us. This is a natural response to a scarce resource; and before you reach the point where women are abundant in your life, women will often seem scarce! Even though there are SO MANY of them! There are probably tens or hundreds of thousands of single young women in your city right now – the LAST thing they are is ‘scarce’! (but if you aren’t meeting many of them, if you aren’t pulling them into your life, they can sure seem so!)
But in just the way men respond to women like this when those women seem scarce, women will also respond to men this way when the men seem scarce.
Now, men in general are never scarce for women. She’s got men all over her social media, dating app profile, and hanging around in her social circle throwing themselves at her.
But most of those men are ‘average’ men. They are ORDINARY. They’re boring.
When you come along, and do the stuff in this article, you will not be ordinary.
You will not be average.
You will be exciting, rare, and stand out.
And she will chase.
Your job at that point is to simply get her investing.
From even the smallest mote of interest in a girl, you can get her to invest in you.
You can get her to:
- Show you her rings, earrings, necklace, or bracelet
- Turn around and show you her dress
- Move a few feet with you to not get run over
- Tell you things about herself
- Qualify herself in response to your screens
- Take a seat with you to talk more
- Scoot closer to you so she’s not so far
- Place her hand in your hand or upon your thigh
- Sit on your lap
- Leave the venue with you
- Go home with you
- Go to bed with you
All these things are investment, and they build on each other.
As compliance researchers have shown, once a woman complies with one small request of yours, she becomes more likely to comply with the next bigger request of yours. The more she complies, the more she invests, and the deeper into your investment spiderweb she falls. Ultimately, the sunk cost effect kicks in, and she feels too invested in you to simply let you go.
At that point, all it takes is a little push-pull from you, a little bit of absence, just a teensy bit of you pulling away or leaving first, to kick off a firestorm of chasing behavior from her.
No sweat off your back, right?
Conclusion
You too can be chased by girls.
Everything here is pretty simple, but most men do little of it or none of it.
That’s not an attack on average men. Most guys are busy just trying to stay alive. They don’t have time to become ‘girl experts’.
But that also means there’s an ENORMOUS opportunity for you: all these impactful things ordinary men do not do, that, when you do them, position you head and shoulders above those average guys, and lead to women chasing you.
And you don’t have to do them all at once! Pick one or two of these, give yourself a few little tasks or ‘improvements’ to make from them, and focus on those till you get it down. Then move to the next one.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg, of course.
If you’d like to know a lot more of the stuff I know about getting girls fawning all over you and pawing your clothes off like they’re nurses getting you ready for a love operation, take my short “Girl Q” quiz. In just a few questions it’ll tell you what your “Girl Q” is, and give you a free guide tailored to your current level of success with girls.
I hope you enjoyed this article. I hope you find it useful. I hope you’ll implement it, too – that way we can get girls chasing YOU!
Yours,
Chase Amante
Chase Amante is the founder of GirlsChase.com, the web’s most popular men’s dating advice website. With over 64 million visitors since 2008 and over 24,000 customers served, Chase has long helped men focus on the practical side of dating – to get girls chasing them.
