Traits Women Find Attractive [PART 3: Status/Social Aspects]

Continued from Part 2 where I talk about the personality/frame aspects of attraction.

In this part, I want to talk about the status and other social aspects of attraction.

1) Pre-selection

Anyone who’s sold a damn thing in his life knows the value of social proof. Pre-selection is the social proof of the dating world.

A man who women think that other women want is automatically high value in their eyes. Their logic goes something like “other girls want him, therefore he must be high value otherwise why would other girls be into him”.

The reverse is also true. If a woman thinks other girls do not want you, then your attractiveness to them goes down. After all, “If no one else wants him, how can he be of high value? If he was high value, other girls would have spotted him by now.”

Basically, it’s a classic catch 22 problem with a classic catch 22 solution – fake it till you become it.

Remember that it’s important to be perceived as being desired by other girls. Whether you are actually desired by other girls or not is irrelevant. You have to know how to create the mirage regardless of what the reality is.

Scoring: Start at 0.

If you tell girls stories that have other girls in them, add 2. If your friend does it for you, add another 3 (eg. him telling a story about how this girl was obsessed with you).

If your Instagram’s tagged section has girls tagging you in photos, add 2. If girls comment with hearts and “sexy” on your photos, add another 1.

If your female friends hug you in public, add 2. If you have no female friends, minus 2.

If you look and dress like a player, add 2.

If you have any hobbies that are associated with girls being all over you, add 3. (Playing a guitar for example.)

Note: If you overtly describe sexual experiences eg. “I fuck girls all the time” or “I sleep with so many girls” do a minus 6. It has to be subtle and indirect for it to work. Her imagination needs to be filling in the color. There is NOTHING you can say directly that is as good as what her imagination will make her believe when she fills in the blanks herself.

2) Sexuality

This is about intent. Do you talk to women like you want to be their lover or do you talk to them like you want to be their friend?

Do you look and act like a guy who wants to fuck her (has a dick) or do you look and act like a brother (no penis)?

Because one gets you in the friendzone and the other either gets you accepted or rejected (far superior outcome than the time wasting friendzone).

Scoring: Start at 0.

If you easily flirt with girls, add 2. (3 if you find it easy and natural to call girls “baby”)

If you usually add an element of sexuality in your conversations with girls, add 2. (Eg. you look hot in that dress, using 😈 emoji, that’s what she said jokes, telling her what to wear, etc.).

If you play with her hair, add 2.

If you grab her hand and lead her, add 2.

If you usually break the touch barrier easily and start touching her casually and then increase it as you build comfort (arm to waist and beyond in 1 date), add a 4.

If you are afraid of injecting sexuality in your conversations and your behavior, minus 5.

3) Class

Other than the factors already covered in the previous parts of this series, there are a few other factors that are a part of your perceived class.

Cussing: Using too many expletives is perceived as low class. It is an unsophisticated person’s way of speaking.

Generosity and courteousness to your inferiors: Do you tip or do you try to save every penny? Do you talk high handedly to service staff or are you polite?

Arrogance to your juniors is a huge social turn off in most countries except a few where it’s accepted as normal (doesn’t hurt your status and might actually help).

Accent: Some accents are more attractive than others. For example, the British accent is highly attractive, while Indian and Chinese accents are unattractive.

But there is more to the story. The local accent always scores average eg. the thick Indian accent would be a 0 in the USA but a 5 in a place where everyone speaks in a thick Indian accent.

There are also regional variations. Eg. The south Indian accent is perceived as funny/undesirable in north India. So the scoring system is you using your best judgement.

Scoring: 3.33 points each. Use your best judgement here as it’s all cultural (the rules change depending on your location).

4) Friend circle

Your friend circle affects not just your behaviour but also your social perception.

You hang out with the cool guys and girls will automatically think you are cool just because of your group. Always be seen around nerds and girls will assume you’re a nerd even when you are not.

You should have all types of circles but understand that the cool guy circle is best when you’re in a hyper social environment. If you’re at the club with your nerd circle that doesn’t know how to dress right and vibe with girls, and is too unskilled (or jealous) to hype you up in front of girls… you will underperform.

Scoring: When you are around girls you want to hit on…

Your friends are players/cool and hype you up, go with a 10. The score decreases as the group becomes more nerdy/intellectual and less willing to hype you up.

A group of regular guys you play sports with would be a 5.

A group of guys who struggle to make eye contact and talk about anime and video games would be a zero.

5) Lifestyle

The more boring your life, the worse you will fare with women. The more fun your life, the more they will be on their best behaviour because they don’t want to lose you.

To quote the classic LMM piece How to Make Women Obsess Over You:

Instead of saying “I’m a cool guy” just invite her to do some fun stuff with you. Back in the day I used to invite girls to barbecue with me and the bros all the time.

We grill some meat and paneer every week, girls or no girls.

Girls loved joining in because it was so exciting and fun. We would tell them we grilled every week but we would not invite them each week.

When they were not invited, they all knew that we were having fun with other girls and next time they went out with me, they’d try to please me as much as possible in every way because they wanted to be kept around.

If she did a good job, she would be invited again.

The message is simple: I am the source of fun, adventure, and excitement. I have plenty of girls who want me and I don’t need you. If you make me happy – sexually and otherwise, you will get to partake in the fun and adventure with me. If you don’t make me happy, a different girl will take the prize instead of you.

Girls have boring lives. If being around you makes them feel the freedom and joy of their childhood again, they will be HIGHLY attracted to you no matter what else is wrong with you.

Scoring: Start at 0.

For all exciting lifestyle hobbies you have, add a 3.

They need to contribute to a fun lifestyle in which girls are excited to join in, not be things like watching movies.

Examples are:

• Hiking/trekking
• Barbecuing
• Off roading
• Hosting house parties
• Going to clubs and concerts
• Many more that I can’t even think of

6) Non-Dependence

If you want to do something but your girl or your friends don’t join in, do you do it anyway or do you shy away?

To give you an example, I was going to a friend’s party and I asked the girl I was dating if she wanted to come. She said no.

That night she asked me to come over and I told her I can’t – I had gone to my friend’s party.

I didn’t try to convince her to come, I just went without her. (She had somehow presumed I wouldn’t go without her, but she never said no to my invitations again.)

The less you depend on other people’s presence to be able to do things you want, the more attractive you seem.

Scoring: Start at 0. Add a 1 for every time in your life a girl you dated wasn’t interested in doing something but you did it anyway, no fucks given.

7) Ability to handle banter / playfulness

Some guys have a natural ability to banter well. This raises your social status and your perception of confidence.

On the other hand, some guys never seem to banter at all. They are the butt of jokes and just get angry or embarrassed.

This lowers their status. Women are less attracted to them because they know that he will not be able to protect her socially (in fact, she might herself become the butt of many jokes simply by being associated with him).

Scoring: Start at 5. If you are able to handle banter well and respond in kind without getting angry, add a 4. If you occasionally side with the guy who can’t handle any banter and protect him, add a 1.

If you get angry when too much banter is hitting you, deduct 3. If you banter to the point that you are thought of as a bully, deduct 5.

8) Social calibration

This has various aspects.

Reputation: This is what people say about you when you’re not in the room.

You go to a gym. A girl likes you. She talks to her friend in the gym about you. “Oh yeah, that’s John. He is a creep.” Even if she likes you, she will not reciprocate because your reputation affects her status negatively.

Ability to move the group: Can you get your group to do something like go to an event or meet up somewhere, or are you merely a part of someone else’s plans?

Guys who do the planning are usually more attractive because they are more visible and clearly possess more leadership qualities.

Social skills: Do you know when to joke and when to shut up? When to escalate and when to take it slow? Are you charming or do you cross the line too much?

Scoring: Start at 5.

If guys say good things about you behind your back (you will eventually catch on), add 2. If they do it in front of you, add 1. If you boast about your accomplishments, deduct 3.

If your ex-girlfriends and girls in your past speak badly about you, deduct 2.

If you plan events for your group, add 2. If your default response is “everything is fine”, deduct 2.

If you build the vibe like hyping your friends up, bringing girls over to the table, etc. add 3.

If you say things that “kill the vibe”, deduct 2. If people regularly you “relax/bro chill/you went too far”, deduct 2. If you have no idea why, deduct another 2.

That’s all for this piece.

In the final part 4 of this series, I will talk about some false flags i.e. things that guys think will make them more attractive, but doesn’t actually work.

– Harsh Strongman

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