Why Women Are How They Are (How to Choose the Right Wife PART 2)

Continued from Part 1 of this series.

Before we even begin to talk about what traits to look for in a woman and why, you need to understand the female situation and why they are how they are.

If you do not understand their life situation, you will make the classic mistake of trying to find a woman who operates like a man (more logical than emotional, etc. – see Part 1)

Men and women have different evolutionary constraints and this has affected our development differently.

Nature gave women the great responsibility of producing babies, and much of the female evolutionary history is affected by this very fact.

The Special Burdens of Women

Unlike men:

1) Women spend 9 months producing a baby and invest a lot of energy to make it happen.

The process consumes about 70,000 calories and had a high risk of death for a long time before modern medicine showed up.

Given the high investment women make into a baby, they have evolved to care very much about their baby’s well being and survival.

Mothers will put their lives on the line to protect their children, and this is true for many other species, not just humans.

2) Women depend on others for care and provision for a few months after childbirth.

They need care not just for themselves but also for the baby. They also require additional food and water to produce milk to feed their babies.

They are unable to have sex with men for some time after childbirth, so they need to find people who will supply them with care and provisions despite not getting sexual intimacy in return.

If they cannot find care and provision, they are likely to die along with their baby.

3) Women have always been at risk of rape and sexual violence both from members of their own community and outsiders.

Historically, men who would defeat another group of men in battle would take their women for themselves.

This whole “kill the men and take their women” thing was so pervasive for so long that if you go back long enough in your genetic history, you will find that many of your female ancestors were raped by their captors, and you descend from the rape baby.

In the present day, women are more likely to get sexually assaulted by people they know (e.g. by elder cousins) than by others.

Women were historically always at risk for sexual assault and rape.

The Special Burdens of Men

I’ll keep this section short and only cover what is relevant to this series.

By and large men compete among each other for women.

Women generally decide who they have sex with (unless their men are unable to protect them and get raped), and it is guaranteed that the baby they make will have their genes.

Men on the other hand cannot make babies and thus need to find a willing or unwilling female to have sex with.

They are all competing with each other for sexual rights over the women around them whether they are aware of this or not.

The competition is social, physical, and sexual.

Physical: The men of one group can attack and kill the men of another group. They will then proceed to rape and sexually enslave the women of the losing group.

Social: A man with higher social status (resources/respect/power/etc.) is more likely to find willing women to have sex with him, because association with a high status male increases the woman’s own social status. (The king can make his wife a queen, the queen cannot make her husband a king.)

Sexual: Men who are better at providing sexual pleasure (and other types of excitement and fun) to women are more likely to have women coming back to have sex with them again and again.

Why Women Operate so Differently From Men

Because men and women have had different reproductive burdens in our evolutionary journey, we have evolved different physical and behavioral traits.

1) Women evolved to be submissive while men evolved to be dominant.

Women not only depend on men for protection but are also at risk of rape and sexual assault from men.

Men have to protect their women from other men hurting them, but also compete among each other physically, sexually, and socially.

Women who were more submissive and deferent to men were more likely to find men willing to protect them and share resources with them.

Men who were more dominant were more likely to find women who would seek them for protection, resources, and sexual pleasure.

(Notice how male dominance over other men is almost always a function of their physical strength and size, their power in society and their bravery, and their sexual prowess. Telling a man that he is physically small, weak, powerless, wimpy, or has a small penis, is thought of as humiliating or insulting him.)

Women submit to men to ensure they get the most protection and resources for not just themselves but also their children, while men dominate women (and other men) because being more dominant means better chances of reproduction with more and better women.

This is a controversial thing to say (“women evolved to be submissive”) in modern society, but let me assure you that even the most vehement feminist enjoys aggressive and kinky sex more than she enjoys plain vanilla sex.

They enjoy being dominated (tied up, lifted up, held tight, etc.) while men enjoy doing the domination (there are exceptions, but this is the general trend). It is an expression of our evolutionary history.

2) Hypergamy.

Men compete with each other physically, socially, and sexually so they have the best chances of finding women to reproduce with.

Women on the other hand, did not need to compete in the same way to reproduce. Women decide who they have sex with, and men are usually happy to oblige.

(In modern society they need to compete with other women for the best men, but I’ll get to that later. Right now we’re talking about ancient times before strict monogamy was a thing. The society of these times will be covered in the next part of this series).

As such, it was always in a woman’s best interest to find a man who is better than her: Taller, stronger, higher social standing, more resources, etc.

Women can leverage the fact that they choose whose children they produce to bond with men better than themselves and thus get the most provisions and protection. It is the winning strategy, and over their evolutionary history, it has become hardcoded in them.

All women are hypergamous. The term means that women are sexually attracted only to men who are better than them. Better looking, taller, stronger, higher status, etc.

Men on the other hand are happy to breed and are much less picky. A rich high social status man will often marry a poor low social status woman, but the opposite is quite rare.

3) Resource seeking behavior.

Women depend on men to supply them with food and other resources when they are pregnant and nursing children.

It was life threatening for them and their babies for them to be long term bonded to a man who could not supply them with resources during this time.

This is why when it comes to picking a man for long term bonding, women have a strong preference for resource stability.

She will be willing to compromise on both a man’s looks and his physicality if it means securing resource stability.

A woman will say things like “I like John, and he is strong and handsome, but he does not have the earning potential I am looking for.”

Men on the other hand value beauty over resources, and will happily marry a poorer woman if her poverty is adequately compensated by her beauty.

You will never hear a man say “I like Monica, and she is beautiful and fair, but she does not have the earning potential I am looking for.”

4) More emotional attunement.

Women are physically weaker than the men around them and cannot force their wishes onto them. They need to be more strategic and diplomatic to get what they want.

Also, they are required to take care of babies who cannot express themselves by speaking. They must be able to understand what their baby needs from his cues and body language.

Women have evolved to be far more emotionally attuned than men and the average woman has much better social skills than the average man.

They are able to “read the room” better, understand people’s emotions better, and have a better instinct for people’s body language.

Men on the other hand are more overt and rely on words rather than cues and body language (this evolutionary difference is why men end up having “it was not what you said, it was how you said it” type arguments with women).

5) Less ability in other skills (like humor).

Women do not need to compete with others to reproduce their genetics.

This means that they have far less selection pressure than men do for many traits and thus have less development in many abilities compared to men.

Women have lower spatial awareness than men.

Women have lower “extreme” IQs than men.

Most geniuses are men (and also most of the homeless are men). Women have a higher chance of being around the mean.

Women are worse at humor than men.

Humor is a trait men use to climb the social hierarchy and also to impress women.

Men need to be funny to get women (to lighten the mood and establish comfort, etc. before they seduce).

Women don’t need to do any of this… all they have to do is play along.

This is not to say that women cannot be funny or have no humor, it’s just that they are worse at it than men are, simply because they have no biological reason to evolve to be better at it.

Women have lower stress tolerance than men. Women rank higher on neuroticism than men do.

In all ancient societies, the safety of women is valued far more than men because they are necessary to ensure the survival of the society (generally men are considered disposable).

Much of the risky hunting and exploration was left to men, while women did the relatively safe task of gathering. And we have been hunter gatherers for millions of years.

Men have thus evolved to handle stress and uncertainty far better than women can.

Women are more capable of dissociation than men are.

Along the same lines, women have always been exposed to some degree of rape and sexual violence.

When a tribe gets conquered, the men are killed and the women are taken as “wives”.

Women have evolved to be able to disassociate from their reality (e.g. getting raped) as a defense mechanism and survival skill.

Women who could disassociate when they were getting raped by conquering men and take on a new identity afterwards (actually become like a wife) were less likely to get killed for resisting or to commit suicide after the fact, and thus more likely to survive i.e. this trait gets passed on.

Dissociative identity disorder (DID), previously known as multiple personality disorder (MPD) is diagnosed 6–9 times more often in women than in men

Women are more risk averse than men.

Women are always at risk of rape and sexual assault. They also have to make sure their pregnancy succeeds, and their children survive.

They have thus evolved to be more cautious and more risk averse than men.

It is simply their evolutionary reality.

Again, nothing in this piece “always applied all the time” and there are plenty of exceptions. However the general trends are true and shape the differences between the sexes.

The reason I cover all of this is because lately I see tons of men getting upset about women not being the way they wish they were.

They become bitter about women being “less capable but still wanting more” but you have to understand… they are how they are because of the evolutionary realities they faced over the millions of years our genus Homo has been around.

You simply cannot expect them to behave like men.

There are better women and worse women, and this series will show you how to pick from the better women, but you have to remember that she will still be a woman.

If you expect her to behave like a man, you will only be disappointed.

In the next part, I will talk about the evolution of the concept of marriage.

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