I was in Phuket, Thailand for some business this year and got myself a Thai massage almost every other day. I mean a real massage, not the hooker shit (only losers pay for sex).
As always I only get massages from older and more muscular Thai women. Most guys hire the thin sexy ones who wear minimal clothing.
The thin ones aren’t strong enough to give you a proper massage so you aren’t getting your money’s worth. Most men lose their minds when around women showing lots of skin – a weakness that Thai massage parlor owners know well how to exploit.
The masseuse asked me where I’m from, and I told her “India”.
She looked confused and said “you no behave Indian”.
I asked her “What do you think of Indians? You like them?” because I already guessed why she said that.
I got a very tactful reply, “I like everyone who pays me well”.
Ahahahahaha, “I like everyone who pays me well”. She is right, because that is a universal truth.
I was very impressed to see so much tact from a masseuse. She said what she wanted to say without insulting my people.
She didn’t think I was Indian because I always tipped the massage ladies 50 Baht every time I came to the shop, and Indians are usually too cheap and stingy to leave a decent tip anywhere.
Because I always leave a nice tip to places I frequent, I always get the best service possible. The staff will remember who I am and do their best to make me happy.
Relationships Are About Self-Interest
In the world of massage ladies and hotel waiters, “I like everyone who pays me well” is the truth. In general, the reality is “I like people who give me something of value”.
For a masseuse, the thing she values is money. So by giving her money in the form of a tip, I get very good service in return. She remembers me and wishes me to return again.
If you want to build a good relationship with someone, you have to ask, “What can I offer them that would be valuable to them?”
With intelligent people, it could be something as simple as good conversation and company.
With a young woman, it’s fun and excitement. You give her some attention and adventure, she gives you sex and pleasure.
With a real estate agent, you could refer them a client every once in a while.
For insecure people, it’s just about giving them compliments and validation. (Massive weakness by the way, read the linked article.)
For different people they are different things. Sometimes just giving thanks and gratitude is enough, other times you need to offer things of more significant value.
If you have something to offer that people want, they will always want to be around you. This is how the world works. People care about benefiting themselves.
If having a relationship with you gives them something they want, you will have a good relationship. If it doesn’t, it will slowly die away because one side will have no interest.
Most people fail because they try to be “takers” only. You also have to give.
Long term friendships and relationships only last when both people have something to offer each other. Otherwise the person receiving nothing quits because no one likes to be exploited.
If you just take value in the relationship but don’t give any value in return, the other person will end the relationship fast because they get nothing out of this deal.
For example if I have a teacher who is teaching me something, and I don’t pay him or give him credit for his teachings or increase his reputation with my use of his teachings – he will eventually become disinterested in teaching me. He will pick another student to teach.
Likewise, you also do not want to be a sole giver in a relationship while not receiving much in return.
A few years ago I made a “friend” who would often call me up for investing advice. I entertained him a few times and then I asked him something I’d like to know about the field he was in.
He didn’t give me a real answer and hurriedly cut the call. Ok. Next time he called – no pick.
Never picked any call from him again because he always wanted my advice but when I wanted help from him, I didn’t get it.
This relationship was worthless for me because I would not get anything out of it. It made no sense for me to invest more of my time into it.
This is a very important life lesson right here.
Every relationship is an investment. But how many of them actually pay off?
You will often hear everyone say “every relationship is an investment”, which is true – but do they always pay off? Or are most of them bad investments.
Look, you only have a limited amount of time, energy, and money. If you’re going to invest it somewhere, be it with people or stocks, you want a return.
If there is not return on your investment (ROI), you made a bad investment.
You have to be wise when you invest in a relationship. Will this actually pay off or should I just keep this person as an acquaintance.
Ask – are you getting something of value out of this relationship? Or at least can you expect to get something of value in the future?
If not, you are wasting your time.
Provide value but make sure that you also get value in return. That is the only way to make a relationship stand the test of time.
– Harsh Strongman
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