The more you want it, the less you get it.
Because when you’re desperate for something, people try to withhold it from you.
This is a lesson I learned twice in my life. First when I was starting out in business, and a second time when I was starting out with dating.
When a client thinks you need the business, he negotiates harder and pays less. When a girl thinks you are needy for attention/sex, she thinks you’re low value and becomes disinterested.
It’s actually funny how similar dating is to online business.
In online business you send out cold pitches, in dating you make cold approaches. Pitches don’t always lead to sales, approaches don’t always lead to sex.
Both have conversion rates. Both have people who flake at the last minute. Both develop your confidence and sales skills.
Yet dating and business are also unrelated in many ways.
Business requires you to be methodical, analytical, and calculated. You have to make sure to get inventory on time, make sure your funnel is well optimized, pay copywriters to maximize your conversion rates, and serious effort pays off in terms of money.
Dating requires you to be relaxed, carefree, and fun. You gotta dress well, have a good personality, and have a good time with the girl on dates. Looking like the “serious guy” is the least sexy vibe, while the carefree laidback let’s-it-go bad boy vibe works really well.
Anyone from the programming world knows that to learn something well, you must learn something that does the same thing in an entirely different way.
If you know only Python (imperative and dynamic), you will not know it nearly as well as someone who has studied Python and Java (imperative and static) and any functional programming language (like Lisp).
They’re all very different but they’re also the same. Everything eventually becomes assembly language for your CPU.
In a similar vein, you get to know women better when you date a bunch of them. You begin to understand what you actually want.
Guys who’ve only had one woman don’t really understand women, they maybe understand that one particular woman but to understand something well, you gotta have other things to contrast it with.
You date a very clingy girl, then a typical girl, then an aloof girl.
You date a girl who’s a whore and does anal on date number one, a “normal” girl, and a prude.
Date one that is shy and one that is highly outgoing and wants to hit the club every 3 days.
NOW you have enough experience to understand women. Because you can see how they are all different and also see how they are all the same.
Different temperaments, different personalities, different interests but a few things remain common for all of them.
Other than the obvious physical similarities, almost every woman is hypergamous (attracted to men better than them), thinks everything only from their perspective, has a natural inclination to want and care for children, wants a man to protect her, will do whatever she can get away with, etc.
As Pook puts it “Women do not have the appreciation for the higher codes of honor and transcendence as we men do (they only appreciate it in MALES, never in themselves).”
This is not something you will learn if you only go out with one or two women. You need to go out with many women to learn this. Otherwise it just seems “sexist” and “hateful” to you because you lack the experience to see the truth.
When you date a lot of women, it becomes very clear that honor is a male quality and that women care little for it, except maybe when it comes time to make a show of honor. The latter is because women care a lot about social reputation, another thing you will learn fast when you date many of them.
One of the girls I dated would wear a long skirt on top of her miniskirt because she didn’t want to be seen wearing a miniskirt to the people who lived in her building (she would remove it and re-wear it when it was time to go home). Social customs didn’t make her not want to wear ultra revealing clothes, only merely hide it and do it in secret where she would not be spotted.
If you want to learn something well you cannot just learn one way of doing it. You have to learn it from different perspectives and methods.
If you want to understand money, you gotta understand the barter system, fiat money, crypto, and metallic money. This lets you compare and contrast the systems so you understand the strengths and weaknesses of all systems of value.
If you’re a non-fiction writer, try writing some fiction. Try writing some poetry. You don’t have to publish it or show it to anyone.
As a non-fiction writer, I guarantee that you will learn something by doing it. It will make your non-fiction better.
If you’ve never experienced life outside the culture you were born in, travel a bit to see how other cultures operate. It might actually change your life.
Pick any field you’re trying to master. It could be programming, sales, women, writing, or anything else.
Then approach it from multiple ways. Get good at one way and then drop it for some time to get good at another way, and then maybe a third or fourth way. This way you will really understand the field.
It’s not easy and it takes a lot of time (that’s why most people don’t do it). But once you do it, you will see things that most people do not see.
You will go from being merely master of one skill or tool to have become a master of the art.
You will be the top 0.1% of your field.
– Harsh Strongman
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