A consulting client I was speaking to was upset that his daughter had a boyfriend and was cursing society for becoming degenerate. (This has been posted with his permission.)
This is a religious/traditional Punjabi guy who has two daughters. I asked how old the girl is.
“24”
“Why don’t you try to get her married?”
“In our culture we marry our women later.”
Got it. Being one generation younger than him, I understood the situation right away.
He didn’t.
He did not understand that he is the problem. He is the reason why his daughter has premarital sex with some guy she’s not married to.
A lot of people I speak to seem to think that it’s “normal to get married late in life”.
Many of these people consider themselves to be traditional, conservative, dharmic, religious, etc. – whatever word they prefer to use, they think it’s not a good thing for people to have pre-marital sex.
Here’s the thing though:
If you want your son/daughter to get married late (say 25 and after), and you know that most people start wanting to have sex around ages 14-18…
What are these guys supposed to do all the way up to their late 20s? Just sit around and wait to get married?
Especially in the modern world where you can use condoms and there’s little risk of accidental pregnancy?
That’s not how it works (unless you’re a moron who thinks humans are beyond their instincts).
If you want your son or daughter to marry late in life, you have to make peace with them having pre-marital sex before they do it.
To expect anything else is dumb. It doesn’t work because it’s against nature.
Nature made us to seek partners and breed. It’s hardwired in our DNA.
The only reason you are here is because everyone in your lineage sought out someone of the opposite sex and fucked them.
Your children have the same thing wired into their DNA. They are not monks.
The late teens to late 20s are the prime fertile age for both sexes (although for men it lasts longer). Nature has wired humans in that age to seek partners, bond, and have sex.
You think nature cares that “in your culture, women are married later”?
In her DNA, she wants to bond with a man and have sex and make children.
It’s literally what every cell in her body is telling her to do. Millions of years of evolutionary pressures have coded her DNA to want this.
And you think it’s “wrong” a 24 year old wanted a man in her life?
If yes, then you’re naive.
If you want your children to have stable romantic lives and not be seeking thrills on dating apps… you have to get them married early.
Humans will want to have sex. You can’t change this because this is nature’s way.
You can either provide it to them via marriage or they will seek it elsewhere. It’s that simple.
If you want your daughter to not have premarital sex, you must get her to marry early.
To want your daughters to remain chaste virgins AND want them to marry later is BAD PARENTING.
Your expectations are unreasonable.
You are a bad father whether you realize this or not. You made her a slut.
It is like a society that keeps its youth unemployed and then complains about them turning to a life of crime. What was he supposed to do? Starve?
Maybe some can resist the temptations but most can’t. Most people can’t even stop themselves from eating a slice of cake, much less resist nature’s strongest drive.
The long story short is that you cannot have both a chaste/traditional society AND have late marriages be the norm at the same time.
It does not work.
All the chaste societies have early marriages. All the societies where people marry late have a ton of promiscuity and pre-marital sex.
Nature has wired men and women to seek sex. Whether you like it or not is irrelevant.
You can either work with nature (early marriage) or you can be like this dad who was upset that his daughter now had a boyfriend.
I will leave you with one final piece of advice from none other than Benjamin Franklin:
wpDiscuz
