This is a guest article written by Fateh Singh. If you follow me on Twitter, you’ve likely seen some of his tweets. Fateh writes about the important things in life: having a mission, personal fulfillment, family, and the like.
A few weeks ago, I saw an eye opening thread he posted titled “Grave, Grand Errors made by Men in their Twenties”. I liked that thread so much that I asked him to expand upon it in an article. This is that article (links added by me):
(P.S. If you’re following me on Twitter, you should follow Fateh Singh @FatehShernu too. I see no reason why someone would follow me but not follow him!)
Mistakes Relating to Life Choices
1. Lack of an Exciting + Meaningful Mission which helps Channelizing Energy & Thoughts:
A Man without a Mission is destined to be a dwarf version of what he could be.
It not only guarantees the non-fulfilment of his so called ‘potential’, but also highlights & amplifies to the world (& more importantly his own self), his own inert negative tendencies.
The Lack of a Mission creates a Vacuum.
And Vacuums must always be filled. In this case, it’s filled with bullshit entertainment, idle talk, personally meaningless goals & even the pursuit of hedonism.
One of most pitiful sights is witnessing a highly energetic , talented Man who lacks a Mission. Who is thus lost & consequently ends up bitter, frustrated, cynical & jaded.
Don’t be this Man.
Build a Purpose. Identify a Clear Mission. Head towards it.
Let this Mission channelize all your inward, latent energy.
2. Lacking the necessary insight into own inner unthinking, emotional reactions:
You don’t know your own mind. Never have you bothered to acquaint yourself with your own recurring thoughts.
You lack the needed insight into your own thinking process. Negative patterns hold you down.
You’ve never journaled, never gone on long walks & conversed with yourself, never asked yourself pointed, uncomfortable questions, never identified definite, habitual thinking patterns which govern your behavior.
No wonder you lash out uncontrollably in various situations or anxiety wares you down or you unnecessarily play the game of self depreciation & think less of yourself, or you shrink from challenges which could easily provide growth.
3. Lacking a Core group of Close friends. Valuing Quantity more than quality:
Running from one friend to another. Prospect of being alone makes you shiver with fear, makes you tremble in your knees.
No real, deep bond founded on real understanding & acceptance you’ve built with anyone. Anyone.
Loneliness will be your fate. These aren’t friends. These are mere acquaintances. They all know what you are, not who you are. Hence you’ll always feel disconnected. That craving for genuine connection will remain.
Shift gears. Get around like minded positive people. Form trustworthy, deep bonds. Fewer the better.
4. Diluting own Individuality, own Authenticity to blend:
Individuality & Uniqueness are synonymous with Excellence & Greatness.
Uniqueness requires the expression of your Full personality.
When you deliberately tone yourself down, You shortchange yourself, Demonstrate less value, less confidence in yourself.
You feel safe being accepted. And this false sense of safety is the unsafest.
It guarantees mediocrity. It makes you a sheep. Bland, boring, ignorable.
You stand for nothing, have no voice of your own, zero convictions, zero uniqueness.
The need to belong exists in each one of us.
But left untamed, it can heavily compromise your potential. Potential is actualized when free reign is given to the expression of one’s own individuality.
Unthinkingly submitting to this innate need to be belong hugely thwarts this needed expression.
A Strict Balance must be struck.
Understand : Conformity & Mediocrity go hand in hand.
The more you conform, the more mediocre you become.
5. Insufficient Pushing. Failing to break own ‘Comfort Zones’:
You create your own prison of self defined limitations (which can easily be & must constantly be broken).
This prison makes you feel safe & secure.
Fact is that If you’re not constantly, consciously pushing yourself, you’ll slide into comfort.
And comfort will make your life & brain dull.
You will forever be plagued with a nagging sense of unexplained emptiness.
6. Naturally, unthinkingly taking people at face value:
There’s a Sense of innocence which requires quelling.
If you take people at face value, you’ll be fooled. There is no doubt about this.
People will 100% take advantage of you. Learn to read in between the lines.
Understand human nature.
This game becomes addictive. You become Sharper. Win-Win.
7. Failing to question own dysfunctional Beliefs passed down from parents, teachers etc which were previously internalized:
When young- our unguarded, tender, fertile, ever impressionable minds absorb narratives most flouted around in our environments.
And our most immediate environment ie. Our Home is the first place we’re
‘brainwashed’ – in a ‘good’ and ‘bad’ way.
Growing up entails taking 100% responsibility for our Lives. This means we must introspect, question & then discard any & all beliefs that are not favorable & not useful for ourselves.
8. Over concentration on Reading. No Action. OR Over concentration on Action. No Reading, No Reflecting.
Continuous Reading can be a Trap.
You read on hours at end, but always fail to Reflect. Thus the needed Upgradation of Mind doesn’t take place. Nothing is internalized. Nothing becomes a part of your psyche.
Conscious Reflection is imperative.
Reading for reading sake may yield pleasure, but if you’re serious about learning & serious about utilizing your Time productively, you must form the Habit of reflection after reading.
Same with Action.
You get into a loop, and thus form habits unconsciously. Some positive, some negative.
Wiser to be conscious about your actions. Wiser to reflect upon your Actions, and their Results- on a frequent basis.
9. Consciously Aligning beliefs spouted by Pop culture, movies, mainstream news:
Either you lack convictions Or even if you don’t, you begin noticing the clear disparity between your convictions & the prevalent convictions in pop culture.
If you’re unable to stand apart from the crowd, you will ‘adjust’, ‘fine tune’ your beliefs. This is a grave error made by youngsters.
They lose all their personal authenticity, personal power in the process.
They become just another robot.
10. Wasting time- ‘Hanging out’ with Toxic idiots.
Shooting the breeze (with close friends) is necessary. Letting your hair down occasionally is necessary. But “hanging out” as a way of life isn’t.
Hanging out to fill an empty time slot isn’t. Hanging out especially with toxic fools is definitely isn’t. The company you keep has an untold, unfathomable effect on your psyche.
Be ultra selective.
It’s worthwhile to Focus on forming deep bonds with like-minded people, And Building lasting friendships.
Avoid toxic company under all costs.
11. Not having sufficient Purpose. Then Drowning that sensed insufficiency with Booze, entertainment & other frivolous shit.
This is a continuation of the above point. Lack of meaningful hobbies, a life purpose will inevitably manufacture a void.
This void will inevitably be filled with partying & bullshit.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Mistakes Relating to Women
1. Believing in the bullshit of so called Idealistic Love:
Basic underlying Fact : As a woman progresses in age her relative Sexual market value* declines. As a woman’s fertility begins dissipating, her urgency to consolidate on a long term partner (to raise a family) increases.
Whereas- Typically , as a Man ages, his Sexual Market Value increases. More access to resources, more life experience, (& thus more wisdom), more affluence.
Although a woman will be influenced by her need for long term provisioning, she’ll never be able to completely dissociate from her own biological sexual arousal triggers.
*Sexual market value = Her capacity to sexually compete with the next generation of women for Man’s commitment.
Note : Each stage of a woman’s life will bring out different behaviors driven by different motivations.
Although Culture, Socio-Economic status, morality- do play a role, the above holds accurate.
Her love for a man starts with a conscious or unconscious strategy.
“So what is this strategy? What then influences her decision making as far as a sexual mate is concerned ?”
2 key Factors :
- Visceral, Sexual Arousal
- Long term Provisioning needs
Visceral, Sexual Arousal
a. What arouses her ? Masculine physical attributes (Muscularity), Social Dominance, Social Status, Social Proof, Risk Taking ability, Assertiveness
b. What does she want? Thrill and Excitement.
c. Why does she want it ? Makes her feel alive.
d. When is she influenced by her own sexual arousal? Through-out her life.
Note : Although She is influenced by this throughout her life, the younger she is , the easier it is for her to base her decisions SOLELY on this ‘arousal’ factor.
As she ages, she must confront the ugly reality of having to fight her own natural sexual impulses.
Also, religious Convictions, Culture, Socio-Economic status, all influence her ability to act on this fundamental influence.
Long Term Provisioning Needs
a. What ‘attracts’ her ?
Comfort, Familiarity, Compatibility, Personality, Humor, Status, Affluence. She seeks Long term provisioning which is based on Security (psychological, physical & financial)
b. What does she want ? Empathy, Dutifulness, Sacrifice, Nurturing, provisioning capacity, dependability, Intellect, compatibility.
c. Why does she want this? These qualities give her with a sense of security.
d. When is she influenced by her own need for ‘long term provisioning’ ? The moment her fertility starts dissipating &/or starts approaching the years where fertility dissipates.
– Peak SMV
– ‘Falls in love’ with the hot, fun guy
– No care for long term provisioning- yet.
– Is at her peak SMV, Can still attract hot guys
– Decline SMV
– ‘Falls in love’ with nice, stable guy
– She must contend with the reality of having to Fight her own natural impulses – unless she can find a Man (rare occurrence) who can satisfy both her innate demands –i.e ‘arousal + long term provisioning)
Some points to keep in mind :
- As her sexual market value declines (and she can no longer compete with the next generation of girls), Her strategy is to consolidate the best guy she can find (who is 2-3 points above her SMV), who can not only sufficiently arouse her sexually but also satisfy her need for long term provisioning. Usually, the Hot, fun, chad will be less dependable than the boring dependable guy.And it is rare (but not impossible at all) these days to find the man who provides her thrill & excitement to also give her a sense of security & stability.
- She will always go for a man who has HIGHER SEXUAL MARKET VALUE Based on her own perceived SMV, which will keep changing, (all things remaining the same, it will decline as she ages) her definitions of what attracts her will also keep changing.
Thus, her strategies :
- Tame an existing Alpha- “I’ll train you to calm down & become dependable & boring too”
- Shame an Alpha into commitment- “You commitment phobe! Man up and marry me now!”
- Marry a Beta reluctantly- “Be happy I chose you. I’m now looking for a star secure, stable guy. Forget my past…I was a different person then”
Bottom Line :
She wants to arrive at the best, most optimal strategic sexual balance.
Because it is unlikely that ALL traits would be in a Man, Even though she is aroused by the latter qualities, she will be forced to make a conscious trade off.
– Never expect that she initially ‘loved’ you, the way you loved her OR she will ever love you the way you want to be loved. She loved opportunistically & practically (based on your ‘performance’ as a Man).
– The definition of ‘performance’ itself keeps varying- based on what suits her.
– Before ‘falling in love’ with you, she asked “ What are you?”… only then “Who are you?”
– Understand clearly which ‘phase of life’ she is in. Understand her strategy. Know your own SMV, strengthen it. And Commit to a long term relationship after due Reflection. Or else you will one day realize the Truth which is “She fell in love with you because her SMV waned, she couldn’t attract the same hot jerks she fucked before, and saw in you the potential to consolidate her need for long term security.”
– Discard the notion of ‘unconditional love’ for good. She doesn’t ‘fall in love’ with ‘who you are as a person’.
– She is optimizing her situation (given her own SMV & her life situation). She is following a script, a sexual strategy which you haven’t understood. Understand it. Understand what she wants.
Remember : her ‘undying, unconditional love’ started with a conscious, practical choice which involved a conscious trade-off. She DOES NOT love you ‘unconditionally’.
– Different phases of her life, motivations & behavior will change.
Note : With the goal of being succinct, the above has been made as simplistic as possible.
My view is that True Love does exist. It but develops over Time. It takes Commitment & Sacrifice among many other things. And is ultra rare.
But even ‘true love’ starts with a strategy- conscious or unconscious which then develops.
2. Very Enthusiastically learning ‘pick up routines’ without really understanding the underlying, core Sexual Strategies & the nature of women:
Stumbling upon internet information about ‘game’. ‘Cold approaches’.
Then practicing it ‘in the field’. Initially struggling, failing, get embarrassed. Then finally ‘succeeding’.
You bed the woman you found attractive at the bar.
Due to the fundamental lack of insight into her sexual strategies, the nature of women, it is YOU who ‘falls in love’.
Unable to even vet appropriately, you wish to take your one night stand forward by initiating a long term relationship.
Well done. You just trapped yourself in a wholly incompatible unsuitable relationship which will waste many precious years of your life.
3. ‘Falling in love’ Assuming when you meet, you will marry.
The first girl who seemingly validates you with her attention, you start to ‘fall in love’ with.
Start conjuring dreams of having a family with.
This is because of your lack of options, low self worth, and desperate need for female validation.
4. Being afflicted with the disease of loneliness & thus falling into the trap of One-itis.
Again, having limited options. Being a Man lacking value.
5. Ignoring her past. Rationalizing it to self.
You had no options, no female attention. Suddenly a woman walked into your life. Your gut said something was wrong. You rationalized it.
You were aware of her past sexual indiscretions. Yet you chose to ignore them.
6. Having limited options. Thus always ’settling’.
Lack of options make one desperate & blind. It almost always leads to a sub-optimal outcome. In any sphere of your life, you must always possess an array of alternatives to select between.
7. Rationalizing with your Gut. Ignoring its voice completely.
Rationalizing with your gut means ignoring its voice. The problem here is self deception.
You periodically negotiate with it thinking that you haven’t completely ignored it. That you’ve taken heed of its voice. This is utter self deception. This is as (if not more) dangerous than completely ignoring it.
You just used your genius intellect to over-ride an ultra important voice.
Especially when it comes to women, OBEY your Gut. It never lies.
8. Getting shamed for & allowing self to feel ashamed for being ‘commitment phobic’.
One of the biggest, most life changing decisions a Man can make is the woman he chooses to bear children with.
As a Woman ages, her sexual market value declines.
As she ages, her ability to have children declines.
Considering these critical realities, desperation & an ensuring sense of Urgency sets in.
She does what she can to successfully ‘lock down’ the Man she has been in an LTR with- even if this means, resorting to a ‘Shaming’ tactic.
Direct remarks often spewed may be on the lines of “You’re such a commitment phobe, you can’t make up your mind”
The sad part here, is that many male feminists (who may be friends with the man in question) too spew this utter bullshit.
Never feel ashamed. Take your time, vet thoroughly.
9. Getting shamed for & allowing self to feel ashamed of having politically incorrect convictions.
Women are sexually aroused by Men with deep, unapologetic convictions.
The same reason that drew her towards having a one night stand with you and/or attracted you to her the first place, later becomes a great point of contention.
You may hold deep convictions, Ideas that do not fit into a narrative which SUITS her.
Even though your conviction arouses her, she will do her best to counter you. Shame you.
10. Getting Shamed for & allowing self to feel ashamed of desiring feminine women.
There’s a dearth of feminine men & masculine women.
Sexual Polarity is at its lowest. The modern mainstream narrative is to label wanting feminine women as ‘archaic’, ‘regressive’ & so on.
This suits the feminine imperative (which is what currently rules the mainstream narrative).
Never lie to yourself. Never be shamed into compromising your natural desire.
11. Getting shamed for & allowing self to feel ashamed about calling out the ways of sluts.
Women want best of both worlds. When her SMV is at its peak ( her party years) AND she has many years ahead of year before hitting the wall, she will unthinkingly give in to her sexual impulses.
And rationalize her sexual indiscretions after the act.
Many such repeated sexual indiscretions make a slut.
A slut has zero value proposition for a long term relationship.
Feel free to call out the ways of sluts. Save a fellow brother if nothing else.
12. Getting Shamed for & allowing self to feel ashamed about calling out the attitudes of especially entitled women.
“I’m a woman, therefore I must be allowed to…”
You can hear these exact same women scream equality from the rooftops.
Their over-inflated sense of entitlement and unapologetic hypocrisy needs to be called out unapologetically.
Stick your neck out, Save a fellow brother if nothing else.
13. Believing- looks don’t matter.
A lie thrown around by shady ‘pick up’ gurus who build their snake oil ‘brands’ around personality.
“Oh no need to look fit”. “Oh look at me ! I was a lazy, skinny fat, poorly dressed dude but built an attractive personality & got women! You can too”
May be. But looks make the ‘game’ much, much easier.
Gullible young men fall for this utter bullshit that looks don’t matter.
14. Believing the ‘Equalist’ theory of sexes.
Males & females. Both biologically & psychologically different.
Bottom line here is that this deliberate, pushed down feminine narrative of Equalism which you believe only serves her & confuses you.
They themselves disbelieve in it (and I’ll show you how), but perpetuate it to suit them.
For example :
A) “Your money is ours, but my money is mine”
“We are both equal, but you must be chivalrous- hold the door open, lift the bags & pay the bills”
In these 2 above scenarios, she gets best of both worlds.
Notice the Hypocrisy in 1, and Dissonance in 2.
B) “If you share in the chores & compromise (& thus support me), I will fuck you”
This is a lie.
The sex will never be worth it.
(As her sexual arousal is dictated by your Looks, Dominance & Assertiveness)
Notice the untold cognitive dissonance. She’s aroused by a dominant male, but says I want ‘equality’
C) “It’s okay to cry, tell me your feelings. Crying is strength”
In the above scenario, she fools you into believing taming alpha is alpha.
Equalism is a lie.
If you believe the lie, you’ll be miserable. You lose.
If you fight the lie, you will have an exhausting relationship.
Which will involve a constant tussle for power.
The way out?
Choose a woman who believes in complementary, not in this ‘equal’ bullshit.
15. Believing you will be loved unconditionally, for who you are. Believing you will be understood as you exactly wish to be understood.
First she asks ‘what’. Only then, “who”.
Are you the most optimal fit that fulfills her highly predictable sexual strategy?
If yes, she’s ‘fallen in love’ with you.
Now you must actually ‘perform’.
There goes your unconditional love.
She ‘understands’ parts of you that make her feel good about herself. Your weaknesses only burden her.
16. Desiring to immediately ‘Settle down’ with a woman- for fear of loneliness.
Loneliness- Will make you commit to commitments you cannot easily disentangle from.
It Will drive you towards hang around & with shitty people just because you want company at any cost.
First end the loneliness. Learn to Enjoy being alone. Build up your own Mind.
Pick a sport, a hobby. DO INTERESTING THINGS.
That will automatically get yourself into situations with like minded people.
A woman will never absolve your loneliness.
But loneliness will push you into committing into a poor relationship which is guaranteed to make you feel even more lonely.
You’ll wish you were Single.
17. Staying in a toxic relationship. And Repeatedly justifying to self due to ‘amazing sex’.
Romantic relationships are sexual by definition.
But that doesn’t mean that sex must ever be the fundamental reason around which you base your decision to commit to a woman (for a long term relationship)
Which steals your precious time & energy.
It’s ONE factor, not the only factor. And definitely not the factor that must ever be prioritized over other many crucial factors.
Only Regret will follow a decision that is based on sex.
18. Believing it is necessary to ‘be useful’ at all costs. Thus ending up up becoming a woman’s slave.
As a young man, it’s not rare to find yourself surrounded with people often doling out unsolicited common place, easily misunderstand-able advice.
“Just be useful man”
You begin to internalize the belief that ‘being useful’ is the End Goal. This belief is dangerously harmful to self.
As far as women are concerned, this belief is even more dangerously harmful to self.
This ‘usefulness’ translates into believing it is honorable to be a woman’s unconditional ‘provider’.
She begins using you. You even feel used. Taken for granted. But you quickly rationalize it as honorable. Ultimately, ‘Sacrifice’ is a wonderful virtue.
It becomes a highly convenient one-sided relationship for her. You get nothing.
You fell for the lies that it’s possible to ‘trade’ your providing ability (‘usefulness’) with sex & respect in return.
Fell flat on its face.
Solution? Focus on Becoming a Dominant Man of Value.
About the author:
Fateh Singh is a businessman and a writer. His mission is to revive masculinity & practical wisdom to help Men all over the world successfully escape this age of degeneracy & lead flourishing, fulfilling lives.
He has authored a book “Building Character in This Age of Degeneracy” and also provides one on one Skype consultations.